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USC essay - "my first camera"



x soundclash 7 / 17  
Jan 10, 2009   #1
I'm freaking out. D: thanks so much for reading this..

The 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot said, "Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things." Describe one of your passions and reflect on how it has contributed to your personal growth.

The sizzle of water cooling molten hot glass, the swish of a paintbrush sliding along a canvas, the click of a camera shutter: these are all familiar sounds in my life. I've been making art for as long as I can remember. At the age of four, I made picture books that I would read to my parents and stuffed animal audience. At seven, I got in trouble for drawing on my wall with a permanent marker. I would take a pile of paper that was about a foot high, drag out a huge box of pens and crayons and draw for hours. My collection of pens and pencils rivaled most, and I had a huge pile of half-filled notebooks filled with doodles, stories and diary entries.

Most kids grow up with lots of art; however, over time many begin to slowly cut it out of their lives. Their fisted grip on a paintbrush is replaced with a football, a hockey stick, or a violin bow. Although I've developed other interests over the years, art has remained a passion in my life. I have been lucky to study a variety of art forms in school, and pursue art in my free time as well.

I received my first camera when I was ten years old. It was digital; a cheap blue plastic one from the toy store. I was in love with it, and took it everywhere with me. Since then, I've owned a couple of "point-and-shoot" digital cameras, but a few years ago I switched to a digital SLR: a Canon EOS Rebel XT. That summer, I lived in France for a month, taking photojournalism classes and studio art classes while learning about French culture and art. I took Photography I last summer, which allowed me access to a darkroom and introduced me to black and white film photography, something I've always been interested in. I'm enrolled in Photo II next semester. It's exciting to see the picture appear before your eyes as a blank sheet is submersed in chemicals.

Along with photography, I've also gotten the chance to learn glassblowing. Every day, I work with 2000-degree molten hot glass, letting it fall, twist, and fill with my own breath to create cups, bowls and vases. It's difficult and dangerous, but I find it thrilling.

I also frequently draw and paint in my free time. I've been inspired by artists such as Roy Lichtenstein, M.C. Escher, and Esao Andrews. I am interested in other art forms too, such as writing and music: different kinds of art, but art nonetheless. Always being surrounded by art has expanded my creativity and enhanced my life, and I'm always ready when inspiration strikes.

My photography and art skills have grown a great deal since my picture books and that little blue camera. I've found a lot more beauty in the world through my art. I've discovered that the big picture is often too crowded, too busy; it rarely makes for a good image. However, even in the ugliest setting, you can something beautiful in the details. A droplet of water hanging off of a leaf or the rust accumulating on a railing can be the subject of an excellent photo or drawing. I've learned to apply this theory to my life as well. When the "big picture" is too busy and overwhelming, I focus on details, on the little things.

stimpsimp 6 / 37  
Jan 10, 2009   #2
Saw you helped, so I help you. Please help me. Sounds cool lol. Umm some stuff:

I got in trouble for drawing on my wall in permanent marker... I got in trouble for drawing on my wall with a permanent marker.

Unnecessary comma... crayons, and draw... crayons and draw & most, and... most and
It isn't wrong, but it is unnecessary. *stories and diary entries... see you didnt have one here

a hockey stick or a violin bow. Use or or and. Cant just end it like that

Although I've taken up other activities over the years, art has remained one of the most constant... doesn't click too well. Art can't be constant. Isn't it ever changing but that is not what you mean to begin with but that is what you said. How about... Although I've taken up other activities over the years, I had always stuck with art.

I see another unnecessary comma but you know what i'm gonna say. Just edit those.

Hope those help.
stimpsimp 6 / 37  
Jan 10, 2009   #3
Lemme see what else I pick up...

It was a digital camera; a cheap blue plastic one that you could buy at the toy store. I was in love with it and took it everywhere with me. Since then, I have (don't shorten, say the full thing) had a couple of "point-and-shoot" digital cameras but a few years ago I switched to a digital SLR: a Canon EOS Rebel XT. (OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!! A REBEL?!!! THAT's SOOO COOL :D) That summer I spent (lived, as in resident? Or spent time there?) a month in France taking photojournalism classes and studio art classes while living in college dorms.
OP x soundclash 7 / 17  
Jan 10, 2009   #4
SECOND DRAFT

[does it need a more definite conclusion? or d'you think that's good...?]
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 11, 2009   #5
Ah, I really like it! I guess it would be cool if you pose an intriguing question for the reader at the beginning, and then you answer that question at the end. That is just an idea. The only room for improvement in this essay is that it does not necessarily draw the reader in... that is why I wonder if it would be good to add a rhetorical question to the first paragraph.

This sentence should not end the first paragraph... My collection of pens and pencils rivaled most, and I had a huge pile of half-filled notebooks filled with doodles, stories and diary entries. ... instead, add a sentence that will come after it... a powerful sentence that will show the direction of the essay, and, hopefully, intrigue the reader.
menamilad /  
Jan 11, 2009   #6
i agree with kevin...you should start your essay by either a rhetorical question or something that will make the reader sit up

:)
stimpsimp 6 / 37  
Jan 11, 2009   #7
Its disappointing Kevin and Mena Raouf that the due date was yesterday. Hope everything worked out well for you Lauren Beaton yesterday. Wish you all the best and good luck with getting in!


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