This is the supplemental essay for the Princeton commonapp. Please read, it is short and not horrible, and if you have any feedback I would appreciate it!
PROMPT: Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way.
ESSAY:
I remember when I used to bring Paul to Blockbuster, and he loved to drag his fingers across the movies as he passed them. He sometimes went further to touch the people walking past, laughing as his hand would hit their jackets-an action that pleased him, yet was responded to with angry looks and nosy stares. And I don't blame them, because, at that time in my life, I believed the same thing that they believe-that Paul's abnormal behavior is his identity. My automatic reply to their confusion was always, "I'm sorry, he's autistic." I accused his disability of his behavior, labeling him as his disability. With this limited belief I would judge his mental abilities, and therefore his inner, hidden self, based on his physical abilities. For example, his reading and speech levels are very poor, so I took that measure as his level of understanding. I was convinced that the outer self and its abilities affect, and even reflect, the inner identity.
In January 2010, a sudden shift in this single-minded path of understanding identity caused me to reevaluate Paul's character. A speech-language pathologist from New York worked with him using her facilitated communication method that let him pour out sentences onto a keyboard. Unexpectedly, Paul not only wrote several dozen lengthy sentences, but used complex vocabulary far more advanced than that of the 2nd grade level-his current 'reading level.' The psychologist explained that Paul's thoughts are not connected to his speech, and therefore his internal feelings could not reach the outside for his entire life. However, if focused, his thoughts can be very well connected to his motor functions, such as typing. During one of his sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it." As he expressed how he feels on the inside, I realized that Paul is the inside-the natural, conscious, intentional character that defines his identity, but not his body.
Paul has autism, but he is not autistic. His disadvantage does not define who he is, but what he is and is not physically capable of. You can find more depth in people and understand who they are if you become more open to the meaning of identity itself. Although it is difficult to give identity a dictionary definition, recognizing that it lies deeper than appearance and behavior can allow people to view others as they truly are. Paul gave me patience and compassion, but more importantly, I learned though my experiences with my brother to look past 'first impressions' and external expressions. Identity is complex, and you cannot stop at the outward observations.
You can find more depth in people and understand who they are if you become more open to the meaning of identity itself. Although it is difficult to give identity a dictionary definition, recognizing that it lies deeper than appearance and behavior can allow people to view others as they truly are.
My God this is so well put! My favorite. :)
Wait Paul is your Brother? :o If he is, it isn't very obvious through your essay.
But other than that I loved reading this! You definitely know how to bring your writing to life. Good Job!
Correction:I learnt
thoughthrough my experiences with my brother....
Hi :)
I really enjoyed you're essay. I think that this experience is really eye-opening and it kind of makes an impact on me.
I would just advise you to make sure you're grammar is correct. I see various errors.
Also if you varied the conjunctions you use (a lot of buts and ands) you might have a piece that flows better.
Apart from that, like I said, I think the subject is great!
GREAT ESSAY...if you are choosing between this one and the troop one i will strongly suggest you go for this one...well written, articulate, insightful and emotional...this essay has it all...GREAT JOB....
PLEASE LOOK OVER MY COMMONAPP ESSAY...
