USEFP Global Ugrad student exchange program Personal statement

Hey everyone,
I am applying for US student exchange program and I have written a personal statement for that. The essay prompts:

Yourself in terms of interests and personality,
Your academic objectives,
Your goals in terms of your field of study and personal development,
The reasons you wish to pursue them in U.S.A., and the type of program you hope to pursue and how it relates to your interests and future objectives.

here is my statement

I did not realize my passion for biomedical sciences until after year 12 when one of my teachers shared its prospects. Henceforth, I started to consider it opting as a profession. In sophomore year, I studied Microbiology and the microscopic world grabbed my attention. I feel thrilled when I observe the realm of nature's hidden world. Thus, I am passionate to study about something that continually excites me. To further comprehend my knowledge, I worked at a local hospital shadowing a pathologist. In Microbiology department, I took part in several investigations and used agar plates and microscope slides to visualize human microflora. Through this I have acquired Microbiology laboratory skills. Overall, I learned to communicate my findings effectively. I have also studied Communication and Interpersonal skills course which developed my public speaking skills. Besides academic activities, I spend my leisure time reading literature which enhances my analytical skills. I practice the art of dance to express myself. Being a humanitarian, I also volunteer in community services. Narrowing down, I wish to study the Micropathology of biofilms and particularly those formed on chronic wounds which delay the healing. I would like to pursue my future research focused on management of chronic wounds. If I were selected for this program, I would be fortunate to work with finest minds in the field of Microbiology and gain access to exclusive academia of the world. Furthermore, I would like to experience the cultural diversity of U.S.A which would improve my outlook on life.

Mubashara, you should consider writing a longer personal statement than this. It is actually not only too short, but also lacking in formation that deals directly with the prompt requirements. You do not really offer a personal insight into the topics tha tyou are being asked to discuss, which has made the essay a very quick, but uninformative read for the reviewer. You have to focus on delivering all of the aspects of the prompt requirements in at least one paragraph each. Take into consideration that this is your first interview with the academic officer so you should take the chance to discuss as much about yourself, your academic interests, study goals, and reasons for your wish to study in the U.S. Be as detailed as possible while staying within the word limit if there is a limit provided.

I'll give you some clues as to how to best respond to the essay requirements by providing you with an idea for the topic discussion. Remember, each prompt should be represented by one paragraph within the essay. The response should not be a single essay paragraph covering all topics. That is not how an academically proficient essay is presented. It is always one topic per paragraph. With a fully developed idea or explanation in each paragraph.

Yourself in terms of interests and personality,
- You managed to present a partial response to this with the following: " I spend my leisure time reading literature which enhances my analytical skills. I practice the art of dance to express myself. Being a humanitarian...". Show the fun side of your personality. If you have a dog you enjoy playing with, mention it. If you enjoy studying languages, highlight it, tell us how you enjoy spending time with your family. As for reading to develop your analytical skills. Tell us how you developed an interest in humanitarianism. Expand upon your answer, and place it at the top of the essay since that is where it was indicated in the prompt, being the first in the line of questions provided.

Your academic objectives,
- you stated ; "If I were selected for this program, I would be fortunate to work with finest minds in the field of Microbiology and gain access to exclusive academia of the world" What other academic objectives do you have? Can you think of specific classes and professors you would like to work with or learn from as a student? Talk extensively about your study plans and why those are important to you.

Your goals in terms of your field of study and personal development,
- "I would like to pursue my future research focused on management of chronic wounds." Explain the kind of research you see yourself delving into and why you consider it important in the field of medical science. What is the whole point of your research? What should its end result be? Make the admissions officer believe that there is some or numerous potentials for the topic of your research / academic objective. How do you see this type of research helping you develop better as a person? Why do you think this would help you contribute to the betterment of the world and yourself?

The reasons you wish to pursue them in U.S.A., and the type of program you hope to pursue and how it relates to your interests and future objectives.

- " I would like to experience the cultural diversity of U.S.A which would improve my outlook on life." How do you expect the study experience to help you do that? What experiences are you looking forward to? Develop a connection between your interest in Microbiology and the program that you are specifically pursuing in the U.S. That means, talk about the specific course and possible university you wish to attend. Then explain why the university caught your interest and how you see that particular university experiences improving your chances either for higher study and further research, or gaining employment in the field in the future.

Mubashara, I believe you can write a little bit more sentences than what you have presented and the fact that this is a personal statement for an exchange program, you have to do more justification of your admission to the program than what you have written.