Hello friends, please tell me on what should be improved regarding my essay.
The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities.
Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?
Before I was being accepted as a mechanical engineering student of a prestigious university in Bali, I already pushed myself to learn few of the courses all by myself due to my curiosity about technology that can support environmental sustainability. I felt confident to enroll in that university because I have prepared for 3 months to pass the admission test. I have to decide what is the important thing and what is not important thing to do. One of the hardest decision that I have ever made is I have to deny all my friend invitation to hang out together every single week. All of the sacrifice that I have done finally rewarded in a victory. I have suffered but I can proudly say that my struggle has given me with confidence, knowledge and most of all, the hope. I have experienced that how my struggle pays me back and that has made me more ambitious.
From early teenage years, I had to live at apartment room because my house is too far from school. Now, I have to live in further area because my university where I enrolled is located in different island. However, I use it as a drive to survive without having known people around myself and face many people from different culture because a leader needs to adapt in any kind of situation. In my university year, I gained some skills including implement my knowledge skills based on my major, have won essay competition and mechanical design competition in national scale that mostly dominated by students from reputable university from Java island. I am also conducting research with my professors about green technology that surely stands with my reason to enroll as a mechanical engineering student. I also had achieved my parents wishes, which is scoring a high Grade Point Average (GPA). Does high GPA and won many competition sharply expressed you as a great leader that can impact to community? I believe it does not.
A great leader is a person that inspires confident in other people and moves them to action that results in positive impact to the community. As a student, I feel that it's my duty to share what I have to my community. That's why I have voluntarily organized workshop conducted for mechanical engineering students about how to make a technical writing so that they capable to write bachelor thesis without having any difficulty. I have volunteered as upcyling research and development volunteer at non-profit organization that focused in environmental sustainability. As upcycling R&D volunteer, I have contributed to the community by conducting research about technology that able to transform wastes into profitable things. I and several of my colleagues decided to voluntary share and teach the using of social media as a marketing tool to several small business in Bali during this economic crisis as the effect of COVID-19. I and few of my colleagues also created technology for the needs of local community's. These activity has led me to keep innovating an idea and transform it to reality for the good of my community.
This Student Exchange Programme seems to me as a perfect chance to meet with people from diverse ethnicities. If today's Youth will avail such opportunities to understand and tolerate people, tomorrow's world would be more peaceful and prosperous. This exchange program will help me enhance my leadership skills and the myriad exposure of this program would enhance my mechanical engineering skills to improve local and global environmental sustainability through innovation.
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You do not qualify for the program based on this presentation. You have written a lengthy personal statement that addresses your perceived personal virtues, but none of the community leadership requirements as specified. It is almost as if you decided to totally disregard the prompt requirement requiring you to justify your qualifications as a community leader. Perhaps because, based upon what I have read here, you do not have any quantifiable or explainable experiences as a community leader. Teaching people to use social media is not a sign of community leadership. They could have learned all of that on their own or through some other channel. There is no reference to any activity that you have led, which made a difference in the community through the improvement of skills or useful education of the community members.