UVA Essay: If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do?

If had to choose one game to show that video games are art, I would choose Mass Effect 2. Mass Effect 2 is to video games as Pink Floyd is to rock music. Everything about it was beautiful: the characters, the art direction, the dialogue, and, most importantly, the story. When Thane told me he was dying, I genuinely felt bad for him. Every choice I had to make in the game made me ponder. "Will he die if I do this?" "She'll hate me if I do this, but I have to save these people." After each decision I would be left with the repercussions and my thoughts. "I couldn't do it. He has a family to care for." "I had to let them go, if she gets mad I lose the support of her entire race!" These are some of the thoughts that go through my head while playing. Thoughts like these are unique to this medium of art because of its interactivity. With this interactivity, video games, especially Mass Effect 2, become the most complex and dynamic forms of artistic expression. Twenty years ago, no one would have ever imagined anything as grand as ME2. And yet all it is is a bunch of words, like "if" and "while", forming code. Isn't it crazy how something as simple as code can create something as intricate as a game? To be part of that would be truly incredible. If I were given money for a small engineering project, I would create a game that would have the same emotional impact that Mass Effect 2 had on me.

feedback?

I feel that your essay focused too much on the qualities of Mass Effect 2 and too little on what you would do with the funding. Granted, you say that you will try to emulate the same qualities as this video game, but you're focusing too much on heralding its greatness. The answer to the question is found at the very end of the paragraph, which in this instance isn't very helpful. Although some essays give a concrete answer to the question at the very end, their writers always use the space between the beginning and ending to build up their arguments to the big conclusion. I suggest that you keep the idea/project, but that you rewrite it in a way that focuses on your project and not on the video game-- use the video game as an example of what you aim to achieve and try to convey your passion and admiration for coding more.

But I haven't heard of ME2 before, so I'm not sure if my opinion is rational... Please take my feedback with a gigantic shaker of salt!

Best of luck in your application and studies!