Hi there! I'm looking for a fresh set of eyes to look over this essay, written for UVA's Common App Supplement. Thanks for your help!
Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
Essay:
Pop musicians, on the whole, are faced with a unique dilemma: they strive to represent their true identities and stretch the bounds of cultural norms, but they must do so without crossing too far outside the realm of social acceptability and mass market appeal. In so doing, they create a group identity that ultimately proves superficial, often sharing their feelings through the lens of a perceived cultural ideal. Nonetheless, there's a comfort in that collective identity, one to which I was drawn throughout my middle school years.
This all changed when I stumbled upon Sufjan Stevens's "All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands." The song immediately distinguishes itself from most pop music, opening with a distinctively light, folksy banjo and soft, airy vocals that create a raw and mysterious tone through which Stevens interprets a Biblical verse. Stevens presents his personal connection to this story unabashedly, ignoring his work's place within the cultural ideal, baring deeply personal thoughts in their most organic form, an attribute uncommon throughout popular culture.
Stevens's work struck me immediately for its raw authenticity and willingness to push aside societal expectations. The song pushed me to consider music - and all of art - on a much deeper, more personal level and to develop a more intimate connection with them both. Beyond that, however, it encouraged me to develop my own unique identity rather than settle for something less and to express myself on my own terms, goals I continue to strive toward today.
Thad,
Your essay is very succint and polished.You write very well---although it felt a little too short?I was expecting a little bit more discussion on why you find this music so appealing.Also,the prompt is kind of probing you to reveal some "conflict" that this piece of art may caused you to have,and how this could have resulted in a watershed moment or epiphany on your part?You may want to explore this further.Otherwise,your critical analysis was super;all in all it just needs a little bit more content,explanation and a conclusion that reaffirms why the piece of writing affected you so profoundly.
