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Val- Kill / Gaining confidence & speaking skills/ My dad ;Barnard Sup


Wisconsingirl94 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
I would love if I could have some feedback on my Barnard Supplements. They are all suppose to be a well developed paragraph and close to 1000 characters.

Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?

We would meet at her small stone cottage, Val- Kill, tucked away in upstate New York. I admire her so much for being a fearless and influential First Lady. She would greet me with warm smile, instantly making me feel at ease. She would be easy to talk to, answering every question with interest and concern. I would tell her about this new journey I am embarking on--college--and ask for advice. How do I deal with all the challenges that lie ahead? How did she so seamlessly adjust to a new life and role? She would advise me to live life to the fullest--with no regrets-- to always try everything and never ever let fear stop me in my tracks. Of course, I would have to ask her about current politics. What does the lady, revered by the Democratic Party, think of Barack Obama? Does she, a devotee to resolving social issues, think the Affordable Care Act is the answer to our health-care issue ? More importantly, is she a fan of Hillary? An hour would quickly slip by as Eleanor Roosevelt and I conversed by a warm fire, teas in hand and Fala by our side.

Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid

I am not a people person. What if he slams the door in my face? What if he's a REPUBLICAN!: these thoughts ran through my head as I stood on the porch, finger on the doorbell, script in hand; I was on my first canvass. I had started my summer internship at Russ Feingold's re-election campaign and one of my jobs was to "canvass", or go door to door talking to potential voters about the election and Senator Feingold. I didn't think I could do it. I wanted to run from the porch, but I wasn't a quitter. I finally gained the nerve and rang the doorbell. I hoped for no one to appear, but the door opened. I took a deep breath, smiled, and started, " Hi I my name is Victoria. I'm with the Feingold Campaign. May I ask you a few questions...?" That summer was filled with door slams, witty remarks by Republicans, charming old ladies, and scary dogs, but I appreciated every moment. By throwing my fears aside, I gained confidence, better speaking skills, and discovered my love for politics.

Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

My dad, being from Hong Kong, doesn't understand the significance of prom. Though he thinks it's preposterous, he hasn't denied me that "great" American tradition. Being a proud member of the immigrants' children community, I've grown to understand that we all have different customs. Not only should we respect each other's customs, we should try to understand them. Eat worms in front of me, and I won't declare that as disgusting because I remember the embarrassment of eating meat buns, while my friends chomped on PB&Js. Pronounce herbs with the "H" and I won't giggle because I've embarrassingly pronounced salmon, sal-mon because that's how my mom pronounced it. My stance on immigration issues has been greatly influenced by my status. I've seen, first-hand, the difficulty of adjusting to a new climate, culture, language, and people. This has led me to believe that, as a society, we should be doing everything in our power to make the immigrant experience easier, not harder; immigrants should only have to feel acceptance, not alienation.
0livegreen 5 / 11 4  
Dec 29, 2012   #2
I might be wrong, but isn't it not a good idea to share your political views on the application/supplements? I mean, most of Barnard is probably democratic/liberal but still - i think it's a bit risky? As far as the community one goes - I like it a lot so I only fixed some little grammatical errors:

Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

I'm sorry i couldn't do more, my answers to Barnard's supplements were really different, maybe it would help you if you saw them?
CMB19932015 3 / 18 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
I would introduce the women you are talking about at the beginning and you might want to say how you would feel would great her, I feel like we get a lot about Eleanor but could get more about you but that is just my opinion.
HarvardAccept - / 57 24  
Dec 31, 2012   #4
Victoria, I suggest putting this out in three sections.

I will edit them individually. This is way too many words for one post.

Thank you.
CMB19932015 3 / 18 4  
Jan 1, 2013   #5
"This has led me to believe that, as a society, we should be doing everything in our power to make the immigrant experience easier, not harder. Immigrants should only have to feel acceptance, not alienation. Maybe, we should all follow in my dad's example."

Is there anything that you have done to make the immigrant experience easier? I think you also become a little repetitive towards the end i think the last three sentences are just rephrases of the same idea maybe you could replace them with more personal examples. It is a wonderful essay though.


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