Valuable person - UBC Personal Profile - Tell us about who you are

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

I am proud of myself

I am a passionate, hardworking and determined student who puts a great amount of effort into everything he does. Not only do I give importance to my academics but also to my health and well-being. Though I hate going to the gym, I balance that out by playing sports such as badminton and swimming. My parents would describe me as a focused and outgoing person. As they have been with me my whole life, they see me as someone who loves to take on challenges. They have seen me at my highest and they have seen me at my lowest and they would definitely say that I am not one who would shy away from failure, but instead one who would overcome those failures and use them as an experience to learn from. My friends would describe me as someone who puts relationships, honesty and transparency above all else. They would say that I have a very charismatic personality and that I never fail to offer help to others. They think of me as a very adaptive person who can be independent or dependent when the situation requires.

I am proud of the fact that I have been able to surround myself with people that value me and never hesitate to point out my mistakes. I am proud of the fact that I abide by my own values and morals. I am proud of the fact that I can think for myself and make my own decisions.

Your essay has a lot of of focus on how others describe, yet lacks a bit of detail regarding examples of where those traits actually come into play. I suggest cutting down a little bit on how others would describe you, and replace it with examples to prove the point that you're hardworking.

Also, the last few sentences all start with "I am proud of the fact that..." Try adding sentence variety.

I actually agree with @ ppham2020. I think you should provide a concrete example of the sentence: "I am not one who would shy away from failure, but instead one who would overcome those failures and use them as an experience to learn from". Focus on this, describe what challenges you faced, how you overcame them, how had it shaped you into a better person and how you felt afterwards. The judges don't need to know a lot of good traits from you, they want to know just one or two and how you demonstrated those traits in life.

@ppham2020 @jennieyo
Thank you for the feedback. I will try to stick to only a few traits and give examples of them.