I'm wondering what you think about this essay: one, is it well-written; two, does it make sense to non-vermonters; and three, does it say enough about me? thanks so much for your help.
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Dear Future Roommate,
I'm from Vermont, which, if you know anything about Vermont, should be enough to let you know a great deal about me and the place where I have grown up. If, however, you don't know anything about Vermont, which is actually more likely (Several responses I've gotten upon telling others that I live in Vermont: "Is that the one near Canada?" "Isn't that in Canada?" "Um...I don't really know what that is"), I probably have some more explaining to do.
For a state with only one area code (802), Vermont has many different geographical regions. In between the extremes of Southern Vermont (suburbanized, now part of Massachusetts) and the northern islands lie Burlington, the only part of Vermont that attracts decent musical acts; and Montpelier, the capital, which is where I live. Montpelier is home to a lot of aging hippies, though no McDonalds-We have SamosaMan instead.
Despite the many resident rednecks, who tend to the conservative, Vermont have a reputation for progressivity. Legalized gay marriage? Check. Socialist senator? Check. Police refusing to seek out illegal immigrants? That's Vermont, and a big reason that I'm proud to live here. Only in Vermont would my next-door neighbor be the head of a secessionist movement that is politically viable, though impractical (our GDP would have to come entirely from cheese and maple syrup, and of course, Ben and Jerry's ice cream).
As for climate, there's the ubiquitous snow. As excited as I am about going to a school where winter doesn't last for 5 months, I will also miss powder days, hot chocolate by the fire, and skiing. Other things I will miss: cows, chickens, recognizing half the people I pass in Montpelier. On the other hand, I will enjoy picking out new clothes without having to worry about their ability to protect me during a blizzard, and I certainly will be able to do without mud season (if you have to ask, you'll never know).
So that's Vermont (a little bit of it, at any rate). See you in the fall-I'll bring you an 802 VT sticker for you to put on your laptop.
haha i love your essay!
but what if the reader is super against gay ppl or illegal immigrant!?
This shows your liberal view but if you are not lucky, you might come across a reader from utah or something.
But overall, I really enjoyed reading it!
Good luck!
p.s. thank you for editing my essay.
I love your essay because I can relate to it. (being a small town girl) I love that you show intelligence and political stance in your essay, but I think you need a little more. This essay would be great for a college admissions representative, but not so much a roommate. What types of things would you like to know about your roommate? Are they a night owl? Do they like to party, what annoying habits do you have? I think this essay prompt was meant to establish a connection; a feel of who they are letting on their campus. I love your idea of incorporating where you came from, but I think you should emphasize more on how it affected you as a person. Those who aren't from Vermont won't understand. They won't know the feeling that it gives you.
