The best day of my life (so far) was... Please tell a story that allows us to experience your best day. (max of 250 words)
I stood nervously rooted behind the next pole-vaulter, waiting for my turn. My hands perfused sweat, transferring itself to the 13 feet, fiberglass pole I held in my hand. "I mean what's the worst that could happen." I thought to myself. "I could plant the pole wrong into the pit, get flung distantly into the sky, and land on the hard concrete, or maybe an official. It's the most dangerous track and field event. No big deal right?" "Castro! Winnacunnet!" the official bellowed. I must've missed the previous opponent execute his jump. I gazed at the bar I was to clear, and suddenly my heart began to beat twice as fast. "Come on Ros. You've already cleared 10'6", what's six more inches going to do." I thought, emboldening myself. "You've exhaustingly trained for this in practice, watched dozens of YouTube videos every night analyzing the pros. You can do this!" Disregarding my encumbering thoughts, I sprinted down the runway, planted the pole just two steps before I would jump, and then swung my leg like a pendulum towards the sky. The pole bent like an arch subsequently launching me into the air. It was as if time stood still when my eyes hovered just inches above the bar. My back landed on the velvety mats, and that was when I knew that I cleared 11 feet, automatically qualifying me for the state meet. The surge of nervousness was replaced with joy and ecstasy.
Especially being my first year in pole-vaulting, thoughts of going to states never approached my mind. People have always perceived me as merely being good at school and art, but this meet proved otherwise that I could also excel in athletics. I've never put as much work into any other sport besides pole vaulting, and in the end it all paid off, and I would be competing against others I've previously looked up to.
(317/250 words)
Okay so this essay is 317 words. I need help cutting it down. I don't know if I should take out too much descriptive details because the admissions officers asked to "tell a story that allows us to experience it" also. Oh yeah and I need it edited for spelling and grammar mistakes.
I stood nervously rooted behind the next pole-vaulter, waiting for my turn. My hands perfused sweat, transferring itself to the 13 feet, fiberglass pole I held in my hand. "I mean what's the worst that could happen." I thought to myself. "I could plant the pole wrong into the pit, get flung distantly into the sky, and land on the hard concrete, or maybe an official. It's the most dangerous track and field event. No big deal right?" "Castro! Winnacunnet!" the official bellowed. I must've missed the previous opponent execute his jump. I gazed at the bar I was to clear, and suddenly my heart began to beat twice as fast. "Come on Ros. You've already cleared 10'6", what's six more inches going to do." I thought, emboldening myself. "You've exhaustingly trained for this in practice, watched dozens of YouTube videos every night analyzing the pros. You can do this!" Disregarding my encumbering thoughts, I sprinted down the runway, planted the pole just two steps before I would jump, and then swung my leg like a pendulum towards the sky. The pole bent like an arch subsequently launching me into the air. It was as if time stood still when my eyes hovered just inches above the bar. My back landed on the velvety mats, and that was when I knew that I cleared 11 feet, automatically qualifying me for the state meet. The surge of nervousness was replaced with joy and ecstasy.
Especially being my first year in pole-vaulting, thoughts of going to states never approached my mind. People have always perceived me as merely being good at school and art, but this meet proved otherwise that I could also excel in athletics. I've never put as much work into any other sport besides pole vaulting, and in the end it all paid off, and I would be competing against others I've previously looked up to.
(317/250 words)
Okay so this essay is 317 words. I need help cutting it down. I don't know if I should take out too much descriptive details because the admissions officers asked to "tell a story that allows us to experience it" also. Oh yeah and I need it edited for spelling and grammar mistakes.
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