So i'm applying via commonapp and this is the question i'm answering
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
i'm not done with it but its already over the 500 word limit so i need some advice and feedback to shorten it and make it better! Thanks in advance!
This past summer I visited the country of Afghanistan. I was born in the states and this was my first visit to the country where my parents were born and raised. Three months in Afghanistan really gave me a dose of the real world. It showed me how people in less fortunate countries live. Living in the suburbs of Rochester has kept me pretty sheltered from many tough situations in life and I am thankful for that. It's unfortunate but women have it especially hard in Afghanistan. After years of Taliban control women don't have the basic rights that they need and deserve. After hearing and seeing the everyday struggles of Afghan women, I found my passion in life.
One heroic woman who impacted me was my aunt Lena. She is confined to the home twenty four seven, only leaving for work, making money that she must give to her husband and before her marriage, her father. At home she must take care of all six of her kids, all under the age of five. She is expected to cook lunch and dinner for not only her own family but also her husband's family. Being so poor she lives with her husband's family, and they don't make her life any easier. She must live in one room with her husband and six children. My aunt has been beaten many times over the silliest of things and has never once visited the doctor. She has had two miscarriages because of the severe beating by her husband. After the miscarriage she was beaten again because she lost the baby. Her children have rotting teeth because candy is cheap and they don't brush their teeth due to financial problems and just plain ignorance. Many women in Afghanistan have nowhere to go for help. Whether they are being beaten, don't have money to feed their family or are just depressed, they have no one to help them and nowhere to go for help. The details of my aunts life isn't a secret: it's the life story of millions of women in Afghanistan.
I don't think I will ever be able to forget my trip to Afghanistan. I learned so much about myself and especially about the person I want to be. I have always wanted to go into the medical field. Science, especially biology, has always been an interest of mine and I've always loved to help others in need. Whether it was just being there for a friend or volunteering at the soup kitchen I've always felt better helping people. Visiting Afghanistan has given me motivation to help others. I've realized how great my life is. I live in a country where I have the opportunity to do whatever I want, to be whatever I want, and I want to take this opportunity to make a positive impact in the world. I want to become a licensed doctor and open health care services in Afghanistan for women and children only. I want to give the women there a trusted health care service where they know they are actually going to be treated and given the right types of medicine. I want to give them hope. I want to lessen the burden they carry on their shoulders. I know it might seem impossible to help ever woman in Afghanistan but If I can make one woman's life a little easier by giving her some peace of mind on her health then I have made a difference.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
i'm not done with it but its already over the 500 word limit so i need some advice and feedback to shorten it and make it better! Thanks in advance!
This past summer I visited the country of Afghanistan. I was born in the states and this was my first visit to the country where my parents were born and raised. Three months in Afghanistan really gave me a dose of the real world. It showed me how people in less fortunate countries live. Living in the suburbs of Rochester has kept me pretty sheltered from many tough situations in life and I am thankful for that. It's unfortunate but women have it especially hard in Afghanistan. After years of Taliban control women don't have the basic rights that they need and deserve. After hearing and seeing the everyday struggles of Afghan women, I found my passion in life.
One heroic woman who impacted me was my aunt Lena. She is confined to the home twenty four seven, only leaving for work, making money that she must give to her husband and before her marriage, her father. At home she must take care of all six of her kids, all under the age of five. She is expected to cook lunch and dinner for not only her own family but also her husband's family. Being so poor she lives with her husband's family, and they don't make her life any easier. She must live in one room with her husband and six children. My aunt has been beaten many times over the silliest of things and has never once visited the doctor. She has had two miscarriages because of the severe beating by her husband. After the miscarriage she was beaten again because she lost the baby. Her children have rotting teeth because candy is cheap and they don't brush their teeth due to financial problems and just plain ignorance. Many women in Afghanistan have nowhere to go for help. Whether they are being beaten, don't have money to feed their family or are just depressed, they have no one to help them and nowhere to go for help. The details of my aunts life isn't a secret: it's the life story of millions of women in Afghanistan.
I don't think I will ever be able to forget my trip to Afghanistan. I learned so much about myself and especially about the person I want to be. I have always wanted to go into the medical field. Science, especially biology, has always been an interest of mine and I've always loved to help others in need. Whether it was just being there for a friend or volunteering at the soup kitchen I've always felt better helping people. Visiting Afghanistan has given me motivation to help others. I've realized how great my life is. I live in a country where I have the opportunity to do whatever I want, to be whatever I want, and I want to take this opportunity to make a positive impact in the world. I want to become a licensed doctor and open health care services in Afghanistan for women and children only. I want to give the women there a trusted health care service where they know they are actually going to be treated and given the right types of medicine. I want to give them hope. I want to lessen the burden they carry on their shoulders. I know it might seem impossible to help ever woman in Afghanistan but If I can make one woman's life a little easier by giving her some peace of mind on her health then I have made a difference.
