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VOICING MY OPINION; Stanford / "What matters to you is the question. I


js65438 3 / 4  
Jan 2, 2013   #1
I have see my father cry once before. He and my mother were in a heated argument over me. The argument has been going on for little over a week now. My two younger sisters were at a birthday party; it was just my parents and I home when the argument sparked again. It was loud and striking, and I here my named repeated numerous times- not my name but "she".

" She has gone too far Tino, she just can't see where she went wrong. And you don't say anything to her! I don't know where she gets these ideas from, where she thinks okay to act like this? I don't what to talk about this anymore" And with that my mom slams the door and walks out.

I come out from hiding and see my dad on the couch. I see tears silently rolling down his face. I curl up next to him and place my head over his chest. I can hear his unsteady breath. Time passes and I remember looking up to his eyes, they were still glazed and sulked but the tears are gone. "Nina, I understand how important your voice is and how you think you and helping but please keep it to yourself." He was referring to my actions in the previous week.

Proposition 8 was heating up in California and I had decided to pick a side, I was against it. I remember voicing my opinion in the car. That was what initially angered my mother. She stated being Catholics meant we follow God's will. That I was being defiant and had to stop immediately. I did- then came Sunday and the family went to church. I decided to accessorize and wear a necklace with a rainbow shell pendant. I had written on it with a large black sharpie that said "No on 8." My mother did not see it till we returned home when my older sister pointed it out.

My mom basically blew-up. Upset that I went against her and try to embarrassed her. When I try to get a word in I was immediately cut off. But my dad wasn't. He stood up for me in his own way, not completely agree with me but enough. So when my dad asked this request on the couch I could not refuse him. My dad's opinions maters the world to me. I'm always looking to him for aid and comfort. My dad has done so much for me and it is as if I have a debt to him I can never pay off.

alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
Hi there,

Firstly "Nina, I understand how important your voice is and how you think you andare? helping but please keep it to yourself."

"Upset that I went against her and try to embarrassed her. When I try to get a word in I was immediately cut off. " <-- Connect these two together. The first sentence is not a complete sentence.

Also check your tenses!!

Overall this is an interesting topic that really went in a way I didn't expect. But in my opinion, which I suggest you take with a grain of salt, you should emphasize that you still will not give up on your cause. Perhaps your father's request has taught you to be more tactful but you still stand true to your beliefs.

Hope I helped!

Could you please check out my cornell supplement? Any suggestions or comments are appreciated!
jakk1994 2 / 22 2  
Jan 2, 2013   #3
Well written, check for typos though.

My dad's opinions maters the world to me. Could be better said My dad's opinion means the world to me.

My dad has done so much for me and it is as if I have a debt to him I can never pay off. Could be better said My dad has always supported me through and through, and I now realize that I could never begin to repay all the kindness he has shown me or the love he has given me


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