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Volunteered @ Bondhushava in Bangladesh/ Right for LOVE - Lafayette C/"Cur Non"?


moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
In 1777, at the age of 19, the Marquis de Lafayette left a life of privilege and prestige in France and sailed to America to fight for the American Revolution. His family motto guided his sense of adventure and reflects an attitude that pervades Lafayette College today: "Cur Non?" ("Why not?). Based on this motto, discuss a "Why not?" moment in your personal, academic, or social life. (250 Words)

Growing up in a country like Bangladesh, I always got to see the sufferings of poor and orphan children. Here people neglect them as if they were not even humans! Children, turned skinny because of hunger, beg for food to the passer bys and to get rid of the children people aren't even hesitating for a moment to kick them. I even saw my juniors and classmates getting kicked out of school just because their parents can't afford. Young orphan girls forced into prostitution is regular news. I wanted to change all these so children could get their right, LOVE.

With this aim I joined the voluntary organization called Bondhushava. Through this organization I have organized many fundraisers some to collect money, some to collect food and some to collect clothes for the winter. I have done projects to teach the orphans and the poor slum children. I have been teaching in an orphanage currently 8 hours a week. I have succeeded to enroll some of the children to my previous school with scholarship. But whatever I did has been a long journey. I never worked before so all these was new to me and very sweaty! Sometimes I even ran out of inspiration. Sometimes I was in bed for weeks because of severe pain in my body as a result of working day-night. Not turning my back when I faced all these hurdles while reaching my goal has been the most rewarding "Cur Non?" moment of my life.

zdv 12 / 68 2  
Jan 3, 2013   #2
I think you should stick to a certain tense preferably the present tense as i noticed you fluctuating throughout your essay.
also, get rid of the exclamation mark. its isnt required plus it is informal.
also, i think you should incorporate the why not moment as the events are taking place and not at the end.
maybe something like "looking at all the suffering around me, I was encouraged to do something. however, i was not sure if i had the ability. That is when I had my why not moment. I thought "why not help them if i can?"

just a suggestion, you dont have to use the exact word. maybe modify it a little bit.
also, passer bys is wrong. i think its passers by but im not sure. you should check it.
their parents cant afford their tuition would be the right sentence.
i hope this is helpful
goodluck
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #3
" Children, turned skinny because of hunger, beg for food to the passer bys and to get rid of the children people aren't even hesitating for a moment to kick them." rephrase this sentence I get what you are saying but the end is kinda awkward

" I even saw my juniors and classmates getting kicked out of school just because their parents can't afford. " your juniors? also um rephrase this cause I understand english is your second language so it can be rough at time it would sound better something like this: I even got to witness the effect the lack of money had among my classmates, as some of my friends were kicked out of school as their parents were no longer able to afford such institution" not neccesarily this way but you get the idea.

" I have succeeded to enroll some of the children to my previous school with a scholarship."

But whatever I did has been a long journey. Never start a sentence with but or and.

I got accepted to lafayette last year and am also an international student, although I think remember reading this prompt I think you have other kinda easier prompt options
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
hey zdv and dpmg945 thanks a lot..

BTW, dpmg945 so are you in Lafayette now? If not where else did you get in and where are you now?
It's thrilling that I am talking to someone who got into Lafayette and s/he is even international!
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #5
moon i needed a greater amount of financial aid so no im not at lafayette, i'm currently taking a gap year and replying to other colleges to see if i can get more money. I applied to over 15 colleges, but the ones the offer me the most were lafayette and union college( the one in ny) .. I guess you as most of the internationals are looking for a great amount of aid so remember that it depends on your family finances how much they'll offer you..it also has to do with your scores, my gpa was pretty good but my SATs scores sucked.. I think that if you have over a 2000 you can be consider to be a marquis scholar
alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Jan 3, 2013   #6
Hi there,

Agreed with comments above. It seems like you squished in the last sentence "Not turning my back when I faced all these hurdles while reaching my goal has been the most rewarding "Cur Non?" moment of my life." to tie it all back to the prompt.

Indicate "Cur Non?" as a means for motivation!

Could you please look at my tufts essay?
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #7
Hey Kitsumi thanks for all your advice.

DM, well great to hear that you are applying with me this year again. Hope we both get in! I am applying to Union too (the one in NY).

So they offer big amount, huh? Are you applying to both of these again these year?
Yes you are right. I actually do need a lot of money, another way to say it the whole thing!
Which one offered you the most?
Are you doing ED 2 to any of these two? Where did you go for your ED?
I am applying to almost 20 colleges though the money is from a scholarship I got.
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #8
they both offered me the same amount which was like 35,000 per year, which is because they both use the css profile which gave them the same estimate, the main difference was that part of your aid at lafayette is made up of loans while at union I didn't receive any loans which in a way is better because you won't have to pay for any money later on..I did regular decision for these two last year, and no i'm no longer going to apply to these two colleges this year, and yeah the time i applied to more than 15 I used fee waivers.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #9
Okay so Union does offer a good amount of aid. A relief there!
I am going for ED2 at Union. Hope I get one too...
This time you need a big amount as last year too? Where did you apply? all the top 50s LACs?
Where do you wanna get in most?
I wanna get in anywhere I can as I need a lot of money. Well about loans, from one way that a big thing to bother you later on but if you are desperate to get in then even that's way better.
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #10
you must take into account the down side of early decision which is that if you are admitted the decision is binding and wont have the chance to compare the aid you recieve with that of other colleges, that's basically the reason why I have and am once again applying only during regular decision ..although obviously ED has its pros too like for example you are showing how much you wanna go there and that that college is probablly your main choice. Yess I continue too need a big amount of financial aid, i am now applying just to three and yeah they are pretty much around the top 50 liberal arts colleges.. also I forgot to mention that Im not quite sure if it it helps but I got to have an interview with lafayette through the phone you should try to do that since it shows your interest towards their college
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 3, 2013   #11
hey DM yeah I agree with you on the cons of ED. But I got nothing else to rely on in spite of having way good conversations with the counselors. I need to get in and all the places I have applied are all my favorite after and they seem quite equal to me. I just needed to do somewhere ED2 with an Engineering department so I went off with UNION! Lafayette was way over the head.

And I tried my best to have an interview with the counselor at Lafayette, but he said that as the admission files are on his table he is really busy and can't do it. Though he says that I am in of no disadvantage (It's if I believe him!!! :O)

What's your real name dpmg945? I have to remember you for a long time! A Lafayette and Union GOT-IN-and just couldn't go! May be we would even meet!
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 3, 2013   #12
hahah yeah just my bad luck of not being able to go there but who knows maybe this time I get a pretty good scholarship hopefully, my name is Daniela ..and if the admission guy told you to not worry then just trust him I hope you get a great scholarship as well and if you don't get as much money as you need you can always appeal your financial aid I originally did that with union and lafayette, i got like 5 thousand more but still that was not enough , anyway good luck with what remains of the application process.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 4, 2013   #13
dpmg945 I forgot to tell you... Did you know that applying to the same school again icreases your chances of getting in along with more financial aid? One of my friends this year applied to Williams the second time and got in with a 46K aid. Last time he only got in the wait list! So, Lafayette and Union would still be a great option for you... you gonna miss it!!!

Which three are you going for?
What stands for M with Daniela? is there a meaning even for P and G!?
Know what I have huge complexity because of getting a scholarship, I could manage 2-3K if I had to pay that amount eventually but now I have to deal with the authorities badly if I have to pay at long last!
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 4, 2013   #14
yeah i'll probablly miss that and besides at this moment I can't afford paying for all the scores to be sent to more school..so i'll just hope everything goes well. The other letters are my initials, and um M is my last name intials kinda for security I rather never write all my name down at forums haha.. The three I'm applying are considered to be some of the colleges that grant internationals with the a lot of aid trinity,cc,and one in ny
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 4, 2013   #15
CC stand for what? Connecticut or Carleton?
I am applying to Trinity too!
That's okay if its for security reasons hahahahahahaha
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 4, 2013   #16
colorado college, well good luck with trinity hyopefully we both get in :)
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 4, 2013   #17
Yeah hopefully we both get in... Colorado College was also a choice but as I couldn't go for EA I thought it's not worth applying!

I wish we had PM service here....
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 4, 2013   #18
yeah unlike college confidential we cant talk here through other messagesl, if you have a college confidential account we can talk through there...I don't really think I'll get into CC but I hope I do I really like that school.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 5, 2013   #19
is your college confidential account the same as this?
Well it seems I didn't apply for RD as it greatly lowers the acceptance rate and too many applicants from Bangladesh this year going for Colorado C for RD.. So that would have been a try in vain...

I just hope that, TILL now I have applied to 16 colleges and I get in at least ONE of them... And of course with the BIG amount I need.
dpmg945 - / 19 3  
Jan 5, 2013   #20
yeah the acceptance rate at colorado is pretty low and now that you say that many people from your country are applying I'm sure things will be pretty competitive.. and yeah dont worry if your gpa and sat scores/toefl scores are good I'm sure you'll receive some good offers. My college confidential is dpmg94.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 5, 2013   #21
Hey Daniela, I am stuck with my Union Supplement after adding something which I got from my friend... Could you please give a look? Oh I am in College Confidential... So yeah we will now talk!


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