Volunteered at a hospital, specializing in the treatment of leukemia and cancer diagnosed children

COMMON APP activities essay.

Could someone please edit this for me?
I just need a second opinion...

This summer, I volunteered at a hospital specializing in the treatment of leukemia and cancer diagnosed children. I was assigned a position on the second floor, and asked to mandate the children's room, which was filled with young four-year-olds. Over the course of the next five weeks, I spent a majority of my time reading to, talking to, and playing with the patients. I also developed a strong relationship with the mother's who came along with their children, and often talked about their kids and their improvement. My time spent at the hospital was a major reality check because I realized that compared to the problems and challenges the patients and their families faced every day, my seemingly magnanimous problems were, in fact, nonexistent. I was touched by the fact that the patients and their families, rather than cowering in the face of a life-threatening disease, displayed a large amount of courage, support, and optimism. I came to realize the true depth of my ...

Good afternoon.

Because the prompt was not included in the posting, I can edit for mechanics and grammar only:

"This summer I volunteered at a hospital specializing in the treatment of leukemia and cancer diagnosed in children. I was assigned a position on the second floor and asked to mandate the ...

I also developed a strong relationship with the mothers who came along with their children and often talked about their kids and their improvement.
(New paragraph) My time spent at the hospital was a major reality check because I realized that compared to the problems and challenges the patients and their families faced every day, my seemingly magnanimous problems were, in fact, nonexistent. I was touched by the fact that the patients and their families, rather than cowering in the face of a life-threatening disease, displayed a large amount of courage, support, and optimism. I came to realize the true depth of my experience when Luke, a timid three-year-old who had previously never left his mom's side, came running to me and clung on to my hand. (New paragraph) Through my time spent at the hospital, I learned compassion and glimpsed humanity at its best. True, I was initially displaced from my comfort zone and hesitant about the idea of working with ill patients, but the lessons that I learned there were those that are now permanently drilled into my heart."

Great essay. A touching story.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Thank you soo much! :)

Hi!

Would you mind giving me your email adress?
I think you're a great editor and I would really like to show you my other essays...
except i don't think its safe posting all of them on here.

I would really really appreciate it if you could!

Good afternoon :)

Thank you for the compliment :)

At this time, the site does not provide personal consultations, as it is a public forum. If you are worried about plagiarism or other unauthorized copying, make sure that your true information is included in your member profile; that will clear up any misunderstandings about ownership (should they arise.)

Alternately, you can contact a paid writing service, as they could provide you with a personal consultation.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com