Essay Topic:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a maningful event, experince oe accomplishment in your lifee and how it will affect you college experience or your contribution to the UF community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility,acadmic integrity, campus citienship or a call to service.
To whom it may concern, I'm applying to the University of Florida and am writing about my experince and how it will contribute to both my college experience and the UF community. I have started my essay and would gladly appreciate if you would read and constructively critique what i have so far.
Here Goes....
Volunteering at Baptist Medical has been one of the most enriching experiences I've faced in life. From the Heart Hospital to the Joint Center, I've truly learned that theres mor to life than one's self.
Four summers ago, i was a mere high school freshman eagerly working as an assistant to the Physical therapist in the Joint Center. Helping with workouts and assisting the patoents didn't appear to be of much importance, but little did i realize was that i was making a difference. Albiet i wasn't being paid for he work i did, i made a conscious effort in being committed to all that i was assigned and it truly paid off. The physical therapist, doctors, and nurses were always appreciative to the hard work that i gav and how much it made their days run more smoothly. Not only did volunteering at Baptist provide me with an oppertunity to explore the vast areas of the medical field, it also gae me that total access to a hands on experience.
This previos summer, i was privileged to work on the Heart Hospital on the 3rd floor. Boy was it tremendously exciting! I was able to shadow the RN's in all they did and assist with charts, vitals, etc.
thats all i have so far
thank you in advance!
You made many spelling mistake when you were write. Always check spelling.
Second thing your experience should me more interesting like some experience you got from patient or some activities.
Essay is so small you should elaborate more with example which will be interesting to others.
I don't know much about grammatically.
You made many spelling mistake when you were writing. Always check spelling.
Second thing is your experience should me more interesting like some experience you have got from patient or some activities.
Essay is very small, you should elaborate more with example which will be interesting to others.
I don't know much about grammatically.
Volunteering at Baptist Medical has been one of the most enriching experiences I've faced in life. From the Heart Hospital to the Joint Center, I've truly learned that theres mor to life than one's self.
Four summers ago, i was a mere high school freshman eagerly working as an assistant to the Physical therapist in the Joint Center. Helping with workouts and assisting the patoents didn't appear to be of much importance, but little did i realize was that i was making a difference. Albiet i wasn't being paid for he work i did, i made a conscious effort in being committed to all that i was assigned and it truly paid off. The physical therapist, doctors, and nurses were always appreciative to the hard work that i gav and how much it made their days run more smoothly. Not only did volunteering at Baptist provide me with an oppertunity to explore the vast areas of the medical field, it also gae me that total access to a hands on experience.
This previos summer, i was privileged to work on the Heart Hospital on the 3rd floor. Boy was it tremendously exciting! I was able to shadow the RN's in all they did and assist with charts, vitals, etc.
There are a lot of spelling mistakes in your essay.
I think it is better without the use of the word albeit. Just take that word out and see if you still like the sentence. Also:
I wasn't being paid for the work i did, but i made a conscious effort to remain committed to all that i was assigned, and it truly paid off.
The physical therapist, doctors, and nurses were always appreciative to the hard work that i gave and how often I was able to make their days run more smoothly.
Not only did volunteering at Baptist provide me with an opportunity to explore the vast areas of the medical field, but it also gave me that total access to a hands-on experience.
Use a spell checker program!! :-) Capitalize the word "I"
This previous summer, i was privileged to ...
Okay, this will be better if you tell it as a story. A narrative is a story. Tell about the scenes, the images, the sounds... Especially in the middle paragraph of this kind of essay, make it sound just like a story you are telling. Can you change it so that it is more like a story, with imagery and description, etc.?
