Working as a Volunteer at a Library
As I step into my local library, I am greeted by a sea of eager children. Their excited chatter fills the air, and their shining faces put a smile on my own. I have been volunteering at the library ever since I was old enough to, and while hours of basic duties like shelving books and organizing magazine stacks have shaped me into a diligent, careful person who is not afraid to work, leading children library activities has been the most rewarding, and my favorite, duty of all. From inventing a theme to picking out books and designing crafts, each step of the process requires creative thinking and precise planning. Yet the best part is seeing the wonder in the eyes of the children as I read to them. Being able to pass on my own passion for books and bring a bit of magic into these kids' lives reminds me day after day just why I love to volunteer.
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Very, very rough draft... as it stands, I'm at 167 words. Should I just scrap the first two sentences? What about the last couple sentences? Is it a problem that they don't talk so much about how the activity has improved me, it's more just why I enjoy doing it.
First post! Thanks for the help, everyone.
Definitely get rid of the first two sentences. They seem unnecessary. I like your ending though.
get rid of the first two sentences.
I disagree! Well, its true that they are not necessary, but they are COOL! As I step into my local library, I am greeted by a sea of eager children. --- excellent.
I would change it to chatter: Their excited chatter fills the air, and their shining faces put a smile on my own.
This part needs a trim:
reminds me day and day again just why it is I love to volunteer. ...reminds me day after day just why I love to volunteer.
Great job! The clever first two sentences make the reader interested. Sorry to be argumentative, Melissa! :-)
I love your essay!
Just one minor change:
who is not afraid of work is not scared away by heavy work.
You cannot be "afraid of work", right?
But it's you did great overall!
Good luck!
Thanks for the input, everyone!
crabball: I totally get your point, but at this point I'm looking to cut down on words rather than add more. What do you think about "who is not afraid to work"?
I'm still over the 150 word limit! How strict is the limit? Is there a certain amount you can go over and still be OK? I'm 10 words over.
I have been volunteering at the library ever since I was old enough to(Maybe replace with a specific age to reduce words) , and while hours of basic duties like shelving books and organizing magazine stacks have shaped me into a diligent, careful person who is not afraid to work , leading children library activities has been the most rewarding, and my favorite, duty of all.
Those small things might reduce your word count without losing the overall meaning.
I think they won't be too strict because it's 10 words, but you're simply describing your work at library. However, being over the limit might show you can't be decisive with your thoughts or follow directions.
"not afraid to work" is good!
From inventing a theme to picking out books andto designing crafts
"Yet the best part is seeing the wonder in the eyes of the children as I read to them." I can feel what you mean, but for some reason, i just think you need to change something, maybe the"yet" word.
As you see, these are just minor. I love your shorter version even more!!
Good luck!
I really like your first 2 sentences, but I don't think they transition very well into the statement that says "I have been volunteering at the library..." I think they should actually be moved into the middle of your essay, somewhere between talking about the tasks you carry out and your passion when interacting with the kids. You might have to change a little bit so they don't seem like they were copypasted, but I feel like the two sentences fit better there. Although it's your essay, so it's your call :D
btw, in the sentence "I have been volunteering at the library ever since I was old enough to" you should probably add something to the end, like "I have been volunteering at the library ever since I was old enough to do so." Just because you shouldn't end with a preposition :3 sorry for being a grammar nazi haha
I love this essay.
The topic is common but i can feel you passion in this volunteering job.