Volunteering and tutoring - my contribution to the UIC Honors College community

Can you guys please grade my paper?

Question: In its mission statement, the UIC Honors College is described as a community of scholars whose goal is to enrich the education experience of undergraduates and allow the faculty and students of all disciplines to interact in teaching, learning and research. Please tell us "How can you contribute to the Honors College community?" What benefits do you expect in return? (400-500 words)

My mother was a woman with a good work ethnic and great contributor to those in her community. She had taught me to be the same as her and to always help humanity. As a senior at Carl Sandburg High School, I have helped the community in many ways; as a college student, I will help contribute to the UIC Honors College Program in countless ways.

In high school, I have been a math tutor for two years. Inducted for my commitment to mathematics, I am passionate of assisting peers with different levels of math from Algebra 1 all the way up to Calculus. Most of my friends considered me as an impressive tutor who came with effective tips and tricks. Specifically, I remember a freshman coming to my class saying that he is failing Algebra. I started to tutor him usually three times a week. I had to teach him step by step so he could understand the material. Fortunately, his grade started improving and was receiving a C in his class. He told me that I taught properly and made the content clear and concise. I want to continue tutoring at UIC and help pupils who struggle with math. I know that I will make the material easy, clear, fun, and less stressful for many taking math courses at UIC.

One of my huge contributions will be my commitment to volunteerism. As a high school student, I volunteered at the Orland Park Public Library as well as Palos Heights Community Hospital. I was a computer volunteer assistant who would help patrons with print jobs, taking printing money, and help those who had trouble using the Internet. I also helped senior citizens with their cell phones. The librarian would book an appointment and I would be ready to teach the elderly how to use their phone effectively and properly as well as what apps they should download. At eh hospital, I am a sterile supply worker and a courier. I transport food trays and medical equipment to departments that need those things. I have contributed over 400 hours of service; I know that I am committed to helping others. At UIC, I plan on making the university a warm, welcoming place for any student or even civilian. I want to work with other pupils in order to help humanity as well as make the university a safe, memorable place.

As I help the university by volunteering and tutoring, I hope that the university helps me become an excellent physician with a strong personality and foundation. I want to receive a valuable education that will help build my skills toward becoming a doctor. The more I learn, the more I can apply to my profession. In addition, I would appreciate the honors program to help get admitted into UIC Medical School. I want to learn tips and get recommendations so I can increase my chances of getting into their med school. I am exuberant to join the honors program

Hello!
In this sentence you repeating yourself, I have helped the community in many ways; as a college student, I will help contribute to the UIC Honors College Program in countless ways.

try to rephrase, for example, Being a student I assisted the community in countless ways and I'll continue to do so as a member of the UIC Honors College Program.

Secondary, try not to start your sentences with "I" so much, use transitional words more often.
Thirdly, I transported instead of transport food trays and medical equipment to
Than, in the third paragraph you used the word "help" too much think of using synonyms, for example, assist.

Hope it was somehow helpful and good luck!

Can you also tell me how the essay is overall? Thanks

Arjun, in my opinion, there are a number of points that you can omit from this essay because the type of work that you did does not really apply to student community activities. All of the points related to your volunteer service at the hospital are not really the kinds of activities that can be used as a student helping out his campus community. That portion of your essay was placed there by you in an effort to spotlight your desire to enter medical school. That particular desire is not relevant in this particular statement. You should rework your closing paragraph as well to simply reiterate your desire to help enhance the student community of UIC. There is no portion in this essay that should refer to your "wants" and desires as you proceed on your quest to become a physician. This is all about the spirit of volunteerism. So your demands regarding the kind of education you want to receive, and the hope that this will get you into UIC medical school are all misplaced. Save those sentiments for your personal statement or statement of purpose. That is where these topics can normally be fully discussed for the benefit of the prompt.

Now, with regards to the tutoring aspect. Don't be so high handed as to assume that you will not struggle yourself as a student of many math subjects while attending UIC. Rather than saying you will tutor the students who are poor in math, try to explain that you will instead;

"collaborate with those students who require a helping hand with their math studies by using my current knowledge of math subjects alongside the math enhancement lessons that we will all be receiving at UIC. Though we will both struggle at the start of the semester in our math classes, I know that I can help those who are unfamiliar with the equations and formulas because I have a stronger foundation than they do in that area."

The reason I want you to tone down your manner of speaking in that part of your essay is because you are not really sure that you will not struggle yourself in the higher level of math classes. High school math is a far cry from the math subjects taught in college. I have known high school math wizards who end up struggling in their own math classes when they got to college. So I believe that by having a more collaborative tone in that part of the essay, you will show that you are going to be a cooperative member of the student community.

Try to just tell the story of your work at the Orlando Park Public Library. That sounds like a job that you might be able to enter into as a student in the future at UIC. It is an activity that truly provides a community service in the sense of town and student need. So it is the perfect volunteer activity to discuss in the essay.

At the end of the essay, try to project some other ideas that you see as becoming part of your volunteer activities at UIC. Look into the student volunteer programs they have available and try to discuss one or two of those that you feel you can participate in and make a difference in the most. That would be a nice way to end your essay.

- I will helped contribute to the UIC Honors College Program in countless ways.

- I am passionate ofin assisting

- departments that need those thingswho need them .
- I have contributed over 400 hours of service;, I know
- I plan on making the university acontinuing the warm, welcoming place
- for any student or even civilianthat the university have for both students, visitors and civilians alike .
- as makehelp the university ato be safer , memorable place.

- I hopeknow that the university
- helpswill hone me to become
- getting into their medical school.

There you have it, my remarks for your essay. Grade for your essay I'd say 85% over a 100%, you have great aspirations for the profession and for the community as well, this is very evident in your essay, though this is not the only reason that the admission officer is going to see but this will definitely help a lot in your application. More so, you have written this piece very well and answered the prompt properly, I wish you the best of luck!!!