Walk on the Wild Road
There was a freeway which was visible through the window of my bedroom. Every day, the ceaseless stream of traffic was moving straightly from the same direction, on the same road, permanently dull and grey.
I watched the rushing cars attentively, thinking about the question that was just raised once more by them.
"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
"I don't know." Again I answered perfunctorily, afraid of being mocked like my friends did when I told them hip-hop was the thing that I would pursue for life.
One year later, I was standing on the stage, grasping the mic tightly with my sweating palm. The auditorium was filled with restless audience yelling. I lifted the mic slowly.
A shrill of feedback.
My own verses exploded in the house, describing the walled cubicles we live, the polluted air we breathe, the censorships we meet... Some students were quietly sitting down there with strange and confused countenances, but the impatient clamor was louder, so I began to shout. Now, sprouted in my mind was the scornfulness in the eyes of the dean skimming my proposal, the bewilderment on the faces passing by the hip-hop club's poster...The words were subconsciously flowing out of my absent mind, my voice quivering, my head bobbing awkwardly on each downbeat vibrating with my eardrums.
I had known that the performance would turn into a disaster. This is China, after all. And I am too much an idealist anywhere in the world, rapping about those sensitive topics, worshiping and lecturing on the style of obscure foreign music, reggae, funk or bebop, which was out of fashion decades ago. But when I read about the white hip-hop devotees such as Jonathan Shecter, the Harvard graduate who established the magazine to promote the positive spirit of the culture with meager payback and Rick Rubin, who produced the creative rap music out of his dorm room as a film major at NYU, I found out the idealists the mainstream never touts. I realized though this increasingly materialistic world is forcing individuals to get on the fast lane, what I want to do deep in my heart is to hold on to my enthusiasm and ideal, regardless of my complexion, others' recognition and final outcomes.
So, why would I give up my voice right now in the blessing of hip-hop, because of the upcoming harangue of the dean in that Ideological Education Office? Why would I compromise my principle, my stage and my rugged road because of being a weirdo perceived by people on that level "freeway"?
Now, I just enjoyed my fleeting moment. I was shouting with all my efforts, clutching at my school uniform, squeezing all my energy, soul and indignation into my hoarse voice. The dazzling spotlights scorching my forehead made the scene surreal. I felt like a warrior fighting with the storm. More excitingly, I felt like living first in my lifetime.
Barely hearing any applause, I turned into the backstage, smiling.
"He's insane." I heard a contemptuous tone faintly.
Maybe.
For me, I just happened to step into another road rather than the jammed freeway. I am walking steadfastly on my wild road, along which I walk alone in the unknown, in which nothing is guaranteed in the other end, neither a respected job, nor boundless happiness, but becoming myself, one of a kind.
This is a essay that I rewrote just a few days ago. And there is an another version of PS about hip-hop giving me the courage to express. Which topic do you think would be better? If you leave some comments to mine I will also comment on yours. Please be harsh. Thanks a lot! :)
I REALLY like your essay! I wish I can write like that haha:)
However, I think it would be too narrative and obviously there are fragments, such as "Maybe." "A shrill of feedback." I know you intentionally write like that and it may be your style as I see from your essay you are really trying to be unique and different and be yourself. But in my opinion, it is still better to have the correct grammar and you can always freely express with right grammar. And afterall, this is college application essay:)
A grammar correction:
"The words were subconsciously flowing out of my absent mind, with my voice quivering and my head bobbing awkwardly on each downbeat vibrating with my eardrums."
But overall it is really great and I can see your desire to be different and your passion in pursuing what you truly enjoy doing.
The awesome thing about your essay is that it is like reading a small story and I could not stop reading it until the end.
And I like the ending sentence, which distinct yourself from everyone, with your own experience proving it.
Yeah I also agree with Rosieish. Its a great essay and I also wish i could write like that. Apart from those few conjunctions omitted, I think everything else is perfect.
You thoroughly elaborated on the main points. Nice one there Bighall
Rosieish, wolverineboy, thanks for your advice!
I just revised my essay as you said and commented on your essays. Hope my suggestions would help.
Good luck!
It's very unique, I was absorbed by it. You also told about the environment and pollution in your city . I got a clear picture of it. Great essay!
If you could give me feedback over my essay that would be great too.
I've commented on your essay, good luck!
Bighall,
I have very much liked your essay. I too hope I would be as creative as you. Good luck for your application process and for your future. Hope to see you as a famous hip- hop dancer in a few years.
Could you help me with mine?
Overall it's a really good essay and the personal qualities that make you you really shine through. Just one minor correction would be to remove the "a shrill of feedback" it kind of ruins the flow of the essay. I like the 'maybe' though so I suggest you keep it.
Hope I was able to help! I would really appreciate it if you look at my Uchicago essay I need to submit it tomorrow and havent gotten a lot of constructive criticism.
black and whiteïź
enigma33
Thanks a lot. I've commented on yours. But... A hip-hop dancer ? Where did you get it ?
It IS a great essay, but aren't you confined to "wild-road" majors like hip-hop dancing or something like Asian studies with the article? What I mean is, this appearntly isn't the essay for business school...
Anyway, I like your essay a lot.
P.S. Are you also a member at CUUS?
why hip hop dancing !!!! I'm straightly rapping, period. Why Asian studies... African-American Studies is more suitable I guess.
And I'm gonna major in sociology... What CUUS?
