Hello, Could you please provide feedback on my essay below? It needs some work and I'm not sure where to start. Any advice would be helpful! The topic is to write a personal statement. Here's what I have so far:
Since my freshman year in high school I have wanted to attend The University of Central Florida. I knew when I was 8 years old that I wanted to be a Forensic Psychologist and a school project led me to UCF. My path was planned - Psychology at the University of Central Florida. I was thrilled to have a "plan" in my freshman year when so many of my classmates had no idea what they wanted to do.
As fortunate as I thought I was, a serious illness befell me and threatened my wonderful plan. It took over my life, and my dream of going to UCF got farther away as there were many missed days of school and my grades fell. I was able to attend a campus visit at UCF which boosted my desire to control my arthritis, rather than letting it rule ME! I was more sure than ever that UCF was the perfect place for me in every way! With a lot of hard work to catch up in classes and every ounce of strength I had left, I managed to bring my grades up a bit and finish my junior year on a decent note. I was still planning on going to UCF, I had to, there is nowhere like it...not for me!
I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason; that nothing is left to chance. Although I'm not sure how or why I got Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA), I can't help thinking that it was meant to be. Although that freshman project led me to UCF to be a Forensic Psychologist, I believe that my JRA has given me a new reason to be at The University of Central Florida: so I can eventually become a Pediatric Rheumatologist to help other children and teens like me. JRA hasn't ruined my life; It has changed it and given me a new path for my future; one that I still want The University of Central Florida to a part of.
Since my freshman year in high school I have wanted to attend The University of Central Florida. I knew when I was 8 years old that I wanted to be a Forensic Psychologist and a school project led me to UCF. My path was planned - Psychology at the University of Central Florida. I was thrilled to have a "plan" in my freshman year when so many of my classmates had no idea what they wanted to do.
As fortunate as I thought I was, a serious illness befell me and threatened my wonderful plan. It took over my life, and my dream of going to UCF got farther away as there were many missed days of school and my grades fell. I was able to attend a campus visit at UCF which boosted my desire to control my arthritis, rather than letting it rule ME! I was more sure than ever that UCF was the perfect place for me in every way! With a lot of hard work to catch up in classes and every ounce of strength I had left, I managed to bring my grades up a bit and finish my junior year on a decent note. I was still planning on going to UCF, I had to, there is nowhere like it...not for me!
I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason; that nothing is left to chance. Although I'm not sure how or why I got Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA), I can't help thinking that it was meant to be. Although that freshman project led me to UCF to be a Forensic Psychologist, I believe that my JRA has given me a new reason to be at The University of Central Florida: so I can eventually become a Pediatric Rheumatologist to help other children and teens like me. JRA hasn't ruined my life; It has changed it and given me a new path for my future; one that I still want The University of Central Florida to a part of.
