wanted to enter the medical field- Vires Artes Mres. Need a conclusion and revision.

- The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

"Vires, Artes, and Mores" are all philosophical concepts which are adopted by different people and embodied into their personal characteristics. You cannot attain these traits just by living through your life and expecting to learn them on the way. You must work diligently and pursue your goals no matter what obstacles confront you. Each of these concepts I have been working to learn throughout my high school career, and I hope to embody what I now know into my time attending Florida State University.

Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to enter the medical field. I not only chose this because of the success I could possibly obtain, but I believe that nothing feels better then saving someone's life and allowing them that extra time to live their life to the fullest. Also, when I was young I got extremely sick and had to go to the hospital. The doctors discovered that I had pneumonia which is an inflammatory condition of the lung which causes many deaths within the older and younger population. Luckily, the doctors treated me and cured my illness. I believe that this was most likely the start of my dreams to enter the medical field. I want to help save others from similar problems to that which I had at such a young age.

These strengths which I have learned throughout years of trial and error have gotten me through high school and prepared me for college. To reach the point that I am at today I had to exemplify each of these traits in various different ways. I had to push myself to succeed and pursuit the intellectual level required to complete high school and follow through with reaching my goals. I faced many challenges on the way to becoming who I am today. I dealt with sleepless nights studying, tiring days of tennis practice, and weekends of staying home working on essays instead of going out with friends. Even though at the time I didn't realize it, I know now that each of these decisions help to shape my characteristics and make me the person I am today.

I need to come up with a clever conclusion, that will sum everything up but i dont want it to sound too cheesy. Please be harsh. Thank you =)

This conclusion is written very eloquently, but it does not reflect your plan. It is general. If you focus on your intentions (specific) for the future, it will be easy to write all paragraph in terms of your intentions. Even if those intentions might change, write about intentions... about your plan.

Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to enter the medical field. --this is what I like to see. Writing about your life and how it reflects these 3 virtues, you can discuss your path toward being a physician or some other practitioner in the medical field.

The virtue you seem to focus on is veres, so maybe you should establish vires as your theme in the intro.

See, this right here is not very meaningful: "Vires, Artes, and Mores" are all philosophical concepts which are adopted by different people and embodied into their personal characteristics.---only include sentences that tell them useful, meaningful things. Tell about YOUR process, your story, your intentions. And use vires as a concept to help explain what drives you onward.

Hi Austin!

I am glad that you took the time to write a conclusion and present it to the forum. But, I would have to agree with Kevin -- above -- in that your conclusion should have something to do with what you want to do -- and it should be specific. You mention in your essay that you want to get that college education and enter the medical field. Well, this might be the place to summarize that point "and" tell us what specific part of the medical field you want to enter. Get it? The conclusion should wrap up all that you said before, and then some -- but it ought to target the plan that you have for your academic life -- and beyond.

I know that you can do this -- re-write the conclusion and let's see what you come up with. I'll be more than happy to review it with you and help you tune it up.

Mark

Having the traits shown in "Vires, Artes, and Mores" doesn't just mean getting decent grades, and getting a college degree. But it really means to reach for levels that others wouldn't reach too, and doing things that others wouldn't think of doing. I hope to continue spreading the pride and unity that are shown in the garnet and gold of a true Seminole.