Common App Essay: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)
Implementing my greatest efforts and demonstrating the best of my abilities at all times - something I thank my parents for teaching me how to do - drives all of my success. I recall the moment watching my favorite cartoon, SpongeBob SquarePants, and my mother asked me to clean my room. I was six or seven, and I could not skip a single second of the show. During commercial break, I rushed to my room, placed the covers over my wrinkled sheets, shoved my mismatching shoes under my bed, threw way large pieces of trash, and dashed back to the living room. To my chagrin, my mother, being a complete neat freak, decided to make a scrupulous inspection of my supposed cleaning. She suddenly tossed the bed covers on the floor, hurled the mattresses against the wall, looked under my dresser to discover Jolly Rancher wrappers I had forgotten, and yelled my name loud enough that the neighbors could hear. "Ivan!" I swallowed my fear, and with a single holler from her, I appeared in my room with the horror of being spanked until the end of the show. Surprisingly, she did not look mad at that moment, but she did keep a serious look. That minute, I knew I could not escape my hours' worth of cleaning - or so it seemed.
After turning 13, my father occasionally took me and my older brother to work, giving us the task of disposing left over cement siding. In addition, he would ask my brother and I to bring him stacks, so he could cut without interruption. One day, my father noticed we were being lazy, carrying the siding improperly, and at times dragging it. In response to our lack of effort, he came towards us and gave a quick demonstration of picking up the siding; one hand under one side and the other hand on the other, bringing it up and setting it on the shoulder, making the arm perpendicular with the siding. Afterwards, my father told us in Spanish, "Do it right, or don't do it at all" and continued with his work.
Both my mother and father do not have a formal education; my mother only attended school until she was 13, and my father lacks even the most fundamental schooling. Although my parents have never been able to revise or check my school work, their efforts in raising me and my brothers have affected everything I strive to accomplish, including academics. My parents have taught me to pay special attention to everything, even the slightest details in my work. I am fond of high standards, and driven by the necessity to "do it right," I utilize my time and uncut effort to meet my standards. I dislike taking the easy way out, especially when the easy way is the wrong way. Hard work becomes rewarding, and I thank my parents for teaching me that rewards only come when I give my greatest efforts. If I "did it right" and took my time, I could watch my SpongeBob!
Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
It's a pretty good essay centered on a simple concept anyone can identify with - good work! However, now that you're done composing perhaps you can focus a bit more on the language. Try using varied sentence structures throughout, and ditch the semicolons unless you think they help that particular sentence. It makes for easier reading to have shorter, better sentences. Also you could try to use a bit more 'flowery' language - not too much, but a little bit should be helpful.
