I think that I made it too much like a narrative
All help is appreciated
Common App Essay 250-500 words
1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethnic dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
As I looked at the horizon expectantly, I gave my watch another look and then went to sit down with my family. We had been at the summit of Mount Fujiyama for two hours, we had hiked up the mountain for two days hoping to see the sun rise or as we called it the goraiko. As we sat in waiting we talked about our journey up the mountain. My grandfather chuckled at the looks of disbelief on our faces when he told us that he had climbed the mountain in 2 hours when he was young, and we had taken so much more time to get up to the summit. We had gotten off the tour bus two days ago and had agreed to take the Yoshida route instead of going to the Subashiri 5th station like everyone else. This was because we wanted to take the traditional route taken by pilgrims 500 years ago. So like the pilgrims we went to pay respects at the Sengenjinja, purifying ourselves by washing our hands and legs and then paying our respects to the Shinto goddess and protector of Mount Fuji. As we walked up the trail we went past many old shrines and we often rested at teahouses along the route drinking tea while admiring the environment around us even seeing a black bear at one time. Walking along the route gave us a chance to finally have some quality family time with nothing in the way. We had fun laughing at each other's corny jokes, noticing animals. Further up we passed many torii which are traditional gates to shrines and we saw so many of them as we walked, their colorful structures contrasting with the green of the forest. When we finally reached the 5th station at Subashiri we were exhausted and so we got a little sleep at the station which actually sold compressed bottles of air for climbers with altitude sickness. When we began our journey again there were such heavy winds and my parents asked us whether we wanted to wait after the sunrise but we remained staunch and so we hiked on. The winds constantly nipped at our exposed faces and it began to get foggier as the altitude increased but finally we all made it to the summit and proceeded to rest along with the other climbers that had gathered there. And as we finished talking we heard people get up, and as we turned around we watched as the sun slowly poked its way through the cloudless skies and out of the horizon. I thought to myself "This was definitely worth everything".
Thank you!!!
All help is appreciated
Common App Essay 250-500 words
1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethnic dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
As I looked at the horizon expectantly, I gave my watch another look and then went to sit down with my family. We had been at the summit of Mount Fujiyama for two hours, we had hiked up the mountain for two days hoping to see the sun rise or as we called it the goraiko. As we sat in waiting we talked about our journey up the mountain. My grandfather chuckled at the looks of disbelief on our faces when he told us that he had climbed the mountain in 2 hours when he was young, and we had taken so much more time to get up to the summit. We had gotten off the tour bus two days ago and had agreed to take the Yoshida route instead of going to the Subashiri 5th station like everyone else. This was because we wanted to take the traditional route taken by pilgrims 500 years ago. So like the pilgrims we went to pay respects at the Sengenjinja, purifying ourselves by washing our hands and legs and then paying our respects to the Shinto goddess and protector of Mount Fuji. As we walked up the trail we went past many old shrines and we often rested at teahouses along the route drinking tea while admiring the environment around us even seeing a black bear at one time. Walking along the route gave us a chance to finally have some quality family time with nothing in the way. We had fun laughing at each other's corny jokes, noticing animals. Further up we passed many torii which are traditional gates to shrines and we saw so many of them as we walked, their colorful structures contrasting with the green of the forest. When we finally reached the 5th station at Subashiri we were exhausted and so we got a little sleep at the station which actually sold compressed bottles of air for climbers with altitude sickness. When we began our journey again there were such heavy winds and my parents asked us whether we wanted to wait after the sunrise but we remained staunch and so we hiked on. The winds constantly nipped at our exposed faces and it began to get foggier as the altitude increased but finally we all made it to the summit and proceeded to rest along with the other climbers that had gathered there. And as we finished talking we heard people get up, and as we turned around we watched as the sun slowly poked its way through the cloudless skies and out of the horizon. I thought to myself "This was definitely worth everything".
Thank you!!!