The way I see myself: Stanford essay. To my roommate!

Please, help me with this!
Any comment or suggestion is welcome!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

To my roommate:
This is me, the way I see myself.
I am a very happy person. Smiles come to my face in a spontaneous way. As I am happy, I love to see that people around me feel happy too; hence you must know in advance that if I see you gloomy or in one of those dark days, I will do everything in my hands to cheer you up and to draw a smile on you. Maybe sometimes I won't be able to help you overcome the problem, but its load will certainly feel slighter by sharing it with others.

I love to enjoy the simple things of life. I could spend hours staring at the perfect harmony of the moon with each of the surrounding stars. This takes me to anticipate you that astronomy images will be covering the wall by my bed. I am an astronomy lover.

I also love math and aeronautics. Besides that, some of my favorite activities are watching soccer and tennis, playing volleyball and reading.
When it comes to studies, you must know I am extremely dedicated. I put my duties in the foreground and I do them as well as I can. I already envision the long and sleepless night at Stanford. If you want, you can be part of them and we can make them more agreeable while, between some laughs and cups of coffee to keep us awake, we help each other on the homework.

I enjoy my free time as much as possible; I love to go out with friends and to have a great time just by their companionship.

Moreover, I like diversity. I think this is what makes life interesting. I have many different friends and I enjoy learning new things from each of them. Finally, I consider myself friendly and reliable.

I sincerely hope that you can be not only one of the new people I meet, but also one of my new friends.

well this one is dicey, i was working on mine a few hours back. the problem with your essay as i see it is it tries to do too much. you only have 1800 characters to work with, so home in on any one or two of the aspects of this essay, like ur sunny side, or ur love for astronomy, and then develop that. i guess it'll help out but i donno, after all if you feel this is right then keep it.

try to be a little more subtle
try not putting too many I's

I agree with takreem90, focus more on a single aspect. Prolly not the math and engineering one cause you will probably elaborate on that in the other essay about an idea you've had that is intellectually engaging. I'd say go creative on this one and at the same time be focused. I like the one about cheering up people cause that is a characteristic that is pleasant (couldn't thin of a better word) and at the same time shows that you are not selfish and care for people. Maybe start the essay with a little narrative story of how you took that idea to the extreme. And then come back and talk about it more abstractly.

Could you please take a look at my essay too?

Thanks,
Raphael

Hey guys!
Thank you so so much for your inputs! I really appreciate it!
I think I get what you mean. And yes... I was trying to include as many aspects of me as I could; however maybe it is better to elaborate on a few of them. I took out the part where I list some of my sports and hobbies and I tried to elaborate on the other aspects.

I developed a paragraph for the "happy and care for others aspects", other for the "I am simple" aspect, other for the "dedicated" aspect and other for "importance of friend" aspect. Also I deleted some of the I's (they certainly were a lot!)

Do you think it is at least a little better?

rapoch:
I will think of a narrative story you adviced me and I will post an edited version later. Now I will gladly check your essay! :)

focusing on a couple aspects are alright, but you want to choose strong points.
you should check out my essay also.

hern255

Smiles come to my face in a spontaneous way? Really?

The first line where you said "this is me, the way I see myself" seems a bit unnecessary, but other than that, it seems ok to me. That could just be the fatigue talking :/ I did just pull an all nighter..and for what I dont know. But I digress. You seem such a pleasant person! Good luck with your quest for a roomate!

also, could anyone do me a huge favor by looking over these NYU supplements? Thanks!