Wellesley 100: Hilary Clinton (This is the first of 2 paragraph)

I believe that I would flourish in Wellesley

It was Hilary Clinton who gave me the first enlightenment of what we women deserve. Hilary Clinton was my consolation when I got frustrated with my perfectionist father. A natural closeness grew in my heart then and drove me to know more about her work. However, it was at my 14 after I started to live on my own that I began to value how far women before us have made our way and how much still needs to be done. The experience of taking care of my life helped me to understand and to feel how cruel this whole society has been to talented and worthy women like my mother. A well-read and well-educated woman like her, but a hardly more than a good wife behind my father and a good care-taker within the household in people's eyes. I think one thing I learned from Hilary Clinton is to care. Not just myself but countless women like my mother. I felt a strong urge to demonstrate people that our fight is not done and we deserve better than to be called "a nasty woman" with all the hard work. That is why I love Wellesley because I think my care for the world beyond myself and belief in women's right and self-worth would be embraced without judgmental indifference.

Deng, considering that Hillary Clinton is currently under investigation in the United States due to so many levels of corruption and criminal accusations regaring political and economic espionage, based on her political dealings, it would be best for your essay to pick someone less controversial and more inspiring for your essay. You could pick from other women who do not have questionable backgrounds on both a personal, social, and political level. Women such as Princess Diana ( due to her work with mental health and HIV research during her lifetime) , Mother Teresa (for her charitable activities during her lifetime), Oprah Winfrey (for her philanthropic activities), Amal Clooney ( as an international human rights lawyer), and Ivanka Trump (due to her work promoting an end to human trafficking, funding women entrepreneurs, women empowerment , promotion of women's rights, and fair treatment of working families), are some of the notable, inspirational women who truly embody an enlightened sense of leadership and serve as inspiration to countless women across the world everyday. Don't use a woman whose previous and current actions have people questioning her motives as a politician and citizen of America. That will not do your essay much good. While I understand why you would be misled to admire her, if you read up on her current situation in the United States, you will definitely not want to use her as the basis of your inspirational women talk essay.

Dude people don't have to be misled to admire Hilary Clinton. Since Donald Trump can be the president of the United States, I see no reason why people cannot write their respect for Hilary on paper.

Merged:

Wellesley 100: Econ Major (This is the second of 2 paragraphs)

I like puzzles, especially the challenging ones. Economics is the puzzle to me. When it becomes challenging, I just cannot resist from falling for it. That is the other part of the reason why I love and believe that I would flourish in Wellesley. My friend Jessica who already graduated from Wellesley told me once that Microeconomics made her cry but everyone loved that class and the professor. And that seems to the most intriguing relationship with economics to me. I took one Finance class at Amherst College, looking for a more intense environment. It is so intense that sometimes I am afraid if I'd miss one syllable of what the professor said. However, the process of breaking down every single problem makes me happy. I have been looking for a place in which I can be supportive of others in need and also experience competitiveness of the academic environment. And from my conversation with students during my visit confirmed one thing: students do not feel they have to fit neatly into one category. This is why I love Wellesley: we can be tough in the profession and also be caring in life at the same time.

@VictoriaSMITH
I feel the two main ideas of the essay are: a challenging environment coupled with a caring environment.
But this is diluted when you mention
a) "And from my conversation with students during my visit confirmed one thing: students do not feel they have to fit neatly into one category." this doesn't contribute to either idea specifically.

b) "It is so intense that sometimes I am afraid if I'd miss one syllable of what the professor said." again this line doesn't convey the intensive of the course, I would suggest talking about some more concrete topic in terms of what was actually taught (Advanced Finance/theories etc)

c) "And that seems to the most intriguing relationship with economics to me." what is that? You haven't mentioned any specific relation with Econ in the previous statement, you will want to elaborate more on that

Also some other edits to consider: My friend Jessica who already graduated from Wellesley would be better as "Conversations with alumni of Wellesley such as Jessica <Surname> (Course 'Year of passing out) have shown that Wellesley builds a community of caring individuals" or something to that effect

All the best.