Hello! I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to improve my personal statement essay. I want to ultimately convey the idea that I embrace my diverse experiences + being well versed in many subjects since it allowed me to succeed in helping others. I appreciate all your help and please be honest about my writing.
When I was in elementary school, I threw myself into a whirlwind of hobbies. I wanted to learn as much as I could, hoping to figure out where I truly belonged, where I could succeed in the most. My days became filled with ballet, volleyball, piano, painting, softball, even ninja warrior obstacle training, (yes, 10 year old me thought I could make it to the show...yet, why didn't anyone stop me when they saw me struggle to simply get across monkey bars?) No matter what I did, it seemed as if my efforts weren't making any difference. I was never the strongest server on my volleyball team, the most elegant piano player, the most artistic painter, and was the only one who didn't know how to slide to a base on the softball field. At one point, it felt like everyone around me had found their hobby and excelled in it while I was struggling...
Knowing how both success and failure in a wide variety of fields has allowed me to support others in their own journeys. In my freshman year, I had prepared for a piano competition for months. In the pursuit to perfection, I stressed myself out trying to be flawless. Despite my dedication, my performance anxiety led me to a disappointing outcome and I did not succeed. However, this experience led me to do something even more fulfilling. I would go on to help younger students at my school prepare for their own competitions. I even carried this knowledge to teach other students violin and viola, two more instruments I learned how to play throughout my childhood. I offered a variety of advice from different hand techniques to their stage presence. I made sure to work on playing in front of crowds, something that I didn't consider when I competed. I don't have a physical award from this competition, but I still feel like I ultimately won since I was able to help others succeed in their own endeavors.
I also enjoy playing and teaching volleyball. Having experience being captain of the junior varsity and varsity volleyball teams at my high school has allowed me to showcase my leadership and helpfulness towards others. I also use my skills to give back to my community by hosting volleyball classes during the summer and raising money to donate to local food pantries. In 2023, my team and I were able to donate over 200 pounds of food.
Being in an advanced science research class has helped further my knowledge in the medical field as well as open up more opportunities for connection. I have had younger students come up to me and ask if I could guide them through these difficult tasks. In the hallways, I have had multiple encounters with students asking me to help them with an assignment or ask for advice when performing wet-lab research since I have 2 years of experience. Even though working extra with underclassmen seems tedious, I enjoy working with them and shaping their futures in science.
Tutoring students and giving them advice based on my experience became my way of turning previous failures into growth experiences. I learned how to reassure my students and limit their stress before performing, whether it was on a stage, on the court or in the classroom. Being compassionate is something that is important in all aspects of life especially in the medical field.
I am driven to give a sense of care and comfort to others through medicine. However, I am still unsure about what path I want to take in the vast field of science since I am interested in many aspects of this field. My dream of being in the medical field includes seeing patients and helping them not only get the treatment they need and deserve, but also giving them the same sense of care and reassurance that someone may need in difficult times that I receive. I am also passionate about being in research, hoping to find ways to develop therapies and transform patient care. Being able to develop something that will change the trajectory of patients' lives for the better is something that I strive to do one day. Teaching is also a passion of mine and I hope to be able to continue influencing others' development. I hope that I could be as well versed in the medical field as I am with my hobbies and continue to make a meaningful difference helping others.
When I was in elementary school, I threw myself into a whirlwind of hobbies. I wanted to learn as much as I could, hoping to figure out where I truly belonged, where I could succeed in the most. My days became filled with ballet, volleyball, piano, painting, softball, even ninja warrior obstacle training, (yes, 10 year old me thought I could make it to the show...yet, why didn't anyone stop me when they saw me struggle to simply get across monkey bars?) No matter what I did, it seemed as if my efforts weren't making any difference. I was never the strongest server on my volleyball team, the most elegant piano player, the most artistic painter, and was the only one who didn't know how to slide to a base on the softball field. At one point, it felt like everyone around me had found their hobby and excelled in it while I was struggling...
Knowing how both success and failure in a wide variety of fields has allowed me to support others in their own journeys. In my freshman year, I had prepared for a piano competition for months. In the pursuit to perfection, I stressed myself out trying to be flawless. Despite my dedication, my performance anxiety led me to a disappointing outcome and I did not succeed. However, this experience led me to do something even more fulfilling. I would go on to help younger students at my school prepare for their own competitions. I even carried this knowledge to teach other students violin and viola, two more instruments I learned how to play throughout my childhood. I offered a variety of advice from different hand techniques to their stage presence. I made sure to work on playing in front of crowds, something that I didn't consider when I competed. I don't have a physical award from this competition, but I still feel like I ultimately won since I was able to help others succeed in their own endeavors.
I also enjoy playing and teaching volleyball. Having experience being captain of the junior varsity and varsity volleyball teams at my high school has allowed me to showcase my leadership and helpfulness towards others. I also use my skills to give back to my community by hosting volleyball classes during the summer and raising money to donate to local food pantries. In 2023, my team and I were able to donate over 200 pounds of food.
Being in an advanced science research class has helped further my knowledge in the medical field as well as open up more opportunities for connection. I have had younger students come up to me and ask if I could guide them through these difficult tasks. In the hallways, I have had multiple encounters with students asking me to help them with an assignment or ask for advice when performing wet-lab research since I have 2 years of experience. Even though working extra with underclassmen seems tedious, I enjoy working with them and shaping their futures in science.
Tutoring students and giving them advice based on my experience became my way of turning previous failures into growth experiences. I learned how to reassure my students and limit their stress before performing, whether it was on a stage, on the court or in the classroom. Being compassionate is something that is important in all aspects of life especially in the medical field.
I am driven to give a sense of care and comfort to others through medicine. However, I am still unsure about what path I want to take in the vast field of science since I am interested in many aspects of this field. My dream of being in the medical field includes seeing patients and helping them not only get the treatment they need and deserve, but also giving them the same sense of care and reassurance that someone may need in difficult times that I receive. I am also passionate about being in research, hoping to find ways to develop therapies and transform patient care. Being able to develop something that will change the trajectory of patients' lives for the better is something that I strive to do one day. Teaching is also a passion of mine and I hope to be able to continue influencing others' development. I hope that I could be as well versed in the medical field as I am with my hobbies and continue to make a meaningful difference helping others.
