"The whole is greater than the sum of it"; 263 word -myself and diversity!

"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." ‐ Aristotle
Diversity is one of our core values at the University of Maryland. In order to provide a stellar
education and foster outstanding research, we embrace the intellectual, social and cultural
differences that are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the university
is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. Describe the parts that
add up to the sum of you.

"Describe yourself, Ms. Adhikari", my interviewer at St. Joseph Medical Center asked me.

This was it. The most dreaded question has been asked. I can feel my heart thumping in a dramatic beating inside my neatly ironed dress. I can feel the droplets of sweats forming around my nostrils.

I wrack my brain for a perfect answer. What does she want to hear? Should I tell her that I am punctual? Hardworking? Should I be modest and say that I am just an average teenager?

Except that I am more than average.

I am diverse. My family moved in to America from Nepal when I was thirteen, and with that I brought in many values. I have the courage, enthusiasm, and pride of a Nepali. Whenever I face an arduous situation, instead of shying away, I tackle them relentlessly, like a brave Nepali soldier.

I am passionate. Ever since holding my mother's stethoscope in my tiny hand when I was seven, I have become strangely fascinated with medicine. I borrow and steal and snatch every opportunity to learn more about this incredible subject - even if it it is in the form of reading my mother's alarmingly thick anatomy books.

And I am sure I have a lot of qualities still waiting to be discovered. I just need a nudge in the right direction.

But for now, I smile. I take a deep breath and begin, my voice exhibiting a strong pitch and my sound getting stronger as I speak, "I am diverse..."

This is for UMD, and I NEED to get into that school! Please be brutally honest and tell me what you don't like and make suggestions. I will appreciate it very much.

Hey Anusha,

That's a very well-written essay! It's one of the best one I've read actually. The tone and seemingly "repetitive" nature makes the essay even more emphatic. So, the only sentence I would advise changing is the following:

Except that I am more than average.

Though I understand what you are saying, it may come off, on first glance and reading, as a bit conceited. So, if you want, I would say that the best way to revise such would be to rephrase it to the following, or something akin to it:

Revised: Yet, none of these capture the central pillar of my identity: my diversity. My family...

The blue text is just where your essay picks up. Hope that helps and good luck! Also, I would love if you could read over some of my essays (particularly the MIT and Stanford ones)!

Some help with your word count;


I could feel my heart beating dramatically beneath my neatly ironed shirt.


No, this is the truth; I'm more than average!



I'm courageous, enthusiastic and take pride in me as a Nepali


instead of staying away

I really like that you made your essay into a story,
but if you want to reduce the number of words, I think I would shorten the 4th or 5th phrase : "I can feel my heart thumping inside my neatly ironed dress. I can feel the droplets of sweats forming around my nostrils." because it only shows you're a good writer, and it takes up lots of words ( you can see you're a good writer in the rest of the essay).

Also I think the 5th paragraph is introduced too abruptly : "Ever since I held my mother's stethoscope..." and that you say more about that subject (about wanting to be a doctor)

good look and nice job!

Gahhh, thank you! Yes, that's what I thought about that paragraph too, but I don't know how to improve it, haha. Hopefully, my teacher will help a bit.

This is really well-written.

"I realize that I have rich cultures and traditions that make me unique."
Don't say this. You look like you're trying too hard to answer the question. Just say that your Nepalian culture makes you who you are.

Just a reminder: you don't "need" to get into any college :P
And plus, UMD has a 100% acceptance rate, so you should be fine!

Thank you!
But i kind of, sort of do :)
And no :( it has like 57%-ish but i heard that it's getting more selective this year