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Using animals as a tools. Animals' right regulation has generated a great deal of discussions.

fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Jan 16, 2015   #1
Essay topic:

Some people think that it is acceptable to use the animals in any way for benefit od human being. While others think that it is not justifiable discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Animals' right regulation has generated a great deal of discussions. For this reason, some people believed that using animals to everything that people want for beneficial purpose is more likely acceptable. However, others argue that it is unforgivable as animals are also inhabitants in the world. While it is reasonable, I am totally convinced that there are several measurements to consider using animals such as species extinction, food chains, and respecting green idea.

On the one hand, animals can bring a numerous number of advantages to human life. So, people argue that it is acceptable to use them in any way. As a straightforward example, people can use a cow and the other animals as their food. Again, they are not only eating something from a cow but also use the skin or even use their ability in agriculture. Therefore, animals are completely essential for human life to help them in the predictability of everyday life. Thanks to animals bring a great benefit for people; they believe that it is acceptable to kill them. Yet, there is an ethical side to refuse the argument.

On the other hand, some people believe that using animals without considering their condition is an unforgivable activity. It is because animals are also inhabitants in this earth. For instance, if people kill bluntly and regularly the animals only for their necessary, it is not humanism. As a consequence, animal rights are regulated to take up against the perception of using animal in any way. Therefore, animal should not be used to human benefit if it is not urgent and is inappropriate.

The animals, I am of opinion, should be deserved and should keep them as there is a number of measurements. First of all, the species which are going to extinct are completely dangerous for humans' life. If all animals, which have a small number habitat in the world, do not exist anymore, people will not have food resources anymore from the animals. Secondly, the case can break of the food chains which have already existed on many years. Lastly, as food chains are getting rid off, it will damage considerably nature surrounding. Consequently, it will be serious as a problem of humans' life if people use animals to their benefit of human being.

In conclusion, although animals are tremendously useful for human life, people should pay more attention to the animal's condition as it can be dangerous for environment. Where possible, people can use or kill animals, while they should make a conservation to deserve them. It can keep environmental from untold damage and deserve food chains.

EF_Sheri - / 27 22  
Jan 16, 2015   #2
One thing that stands out is the overuse of what some phrases (e.g. because, am, small, make, many, more, some, do, great, going, take, use, want, is, any, keep, are, help, but, So).

You will also want to correct grammar errors, specifically the following. I have put the incorrect phrase/word following by the correct phrase or word in parenthesis in the order they appear in your essay:

cow but (cow, but)
in (of)
humanism (humane)
animal (the animal, an animal, animals)
to (for)
humans' (human)
on (for)
to (for)
beneficial purpose (a beneficial purpose)
more likely (most likely)
green idea (green ideas, a green idea)
humans' (human)
human being (human beings, the human being, a human being)
environment (the environment)
environmental (the environment, environment)

Other than that, you will want to adjust some vocabulary use to meet the level of your target audience whether academic or professional. Overall, you have a strong argument for both sides. Once you correct the grammar issues and strengthen your sentences, you'll be set! Good job :)
OP fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Jan 20, 2015   #3
Dear EF_Sheri,

Thank you very much for your correction.
how about my flow sentence and my idea? because I think that my idea is not good..
could you give me a suggestion?

thank you

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