The first one doesn't talk much about Penn, simply because I thought AOs got enough people telling them how great Wharton is. Second one I don't like as much but it definitely is more conforming(needs help with flow and paragraph order)
*all you have to do is ask and I will gladly look over your essay!!
Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)
Essay 1:
"Even eminent chartered accountants are known, in their capacity as fishermen, blissfully to ignore differences between seven and ten inches, half a pound and two pounds, three fish and a dozen fish." When I first came upon this quote in William Sherwood Fox's Silken Lines and Silver Hooks I chuckled a bit, thinking back upon all of the fish that had suddenly grown and multiplied in my mind- as if by some sort of uncontrollable magic. Even the most honest, genuine, intelligent man is susceptible to this magical force at times, whether he is conscious of it or not. In business, such actions could land a man in federal prison or cause him to lose his job, though. Great fishermen like Teddy Roosevelt and Jonny Morris, founder of Bass Pro Shops, found ways to bridge the gap between the two mindsets and succeed in society, while others, like Kenneth Lay, CEO of Enron, fell victim to the ways of the fisherman.
I am one of the most avid fishermen and hunters in the world; whenever I can find time in my busy schedule to get out on the water to fish or hunt ducks, I am out there. This passion led me to my work with Dr. Watanabe, research professor and coordinator of the aquaculture program at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. At the facility, I have been able to take part in all aspects of the aquaculture field, from creating the organic fish feed to strip spawning the fish to harvesting and selling them. It has truly been an amazing experience that has taught me as much about business as the science behind aquacultures. Working with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron Business School at UNCW and Dr. Watanabe, I was able to observe how market prices were set for the fish raised in the aquaculture systems and how business transactions were settled with commercial seafood venders. Coming into the experience, I had only been interested in the scientific aspects of aquaculture and how they could be used to mitigate the environmental problems associated with commercial fishing, such as habitat destruction and dwindling fish stocks. However, after my work at UNCW, I now hope to pursue a degree in business from the Wharton School of Business, so I can build my own bridge between my fisherman mentality and the mind of a proper businessman. The science is there when it comes to aquacultures, the US just needs a strong leader in the large-scale commercial aspects of the field to make aquacultures a success in the US, as they are in countries like China. I could go on and on about all the benefits of a degree from Wharton, but all I really want is to learn from the top professors in the world on taking my passion and applying it to a commercial scale industry.
Essay 2:
Growing up on the North Carolina coast, I have spent countless hours out on the water, working my way in and out of the backwater creeks around my house, in search of whatever the area has to offer. Through this love of fishing, I have developed a close relationship with the environment that affords me the great pleasure. From the time I entered middle school, I had aspirations of becoming a marine biologist, a field where I could put my passion for fishing to good use.
This year, I have had the opportunity to work with Dr. Watanabe at the UNCW aquaculture facility, helping to raise fish and conduct research with his graduate students. This has been one of the most eye-opening, worthwhile experiences of my life, because it has made me realize that even science involves as much business as it does scientific research. After harvesting my first batch of black sea bass, I was able to meet with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron School of Business at UNCW to research the current fish market and set prices for the fish we had raised. Numbers and statistics had always caused my eyes to glaze over in class, but once I could apply them to the market and science, my eyes started to race up and down the multitude of spreadsheets, searching for key patterns or deviations from the norm. It was at that point in time that I realized I could do more good by taking my background in marine science and applying it to business, than I could as a marine biologist.
At the University of Pennsylvania, I hope to attend the Wharton School of Business to further expand my knowledge on the business world. The Wharton School allows for unparalleled flexibility in my schedule, allowing me to take classes in every school at Penn. Where else would I have the opportunity to continue my studies in environmental science, while learning how to apply them to the commercial industry from some of the top business professors, and even students, in the world?
There are so many advances in the marine science field that remain untouched or insignificant in the global market, due to a lack of effective leadership in the commercial industry. For example, aquacultures have the potential to cut back on the US's annual seafood trade deficit of $10 billion annually, while helping to prevent commercial fishermen from decimating the wild fish stocks. Yet, aquacultures have yet to be taken to full commercial scale, despite the fact that the scientific research and background knowledge is all there. I want to take away from Penn and the Wharton School of Business the skillset to end this trend and help bring these advances to the commercial market, where both the economy and the environment will benefit.
*all you have to do is ask and I will gladly look over your essay!!
Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? (Please answer in one page, approximately 500 words.)
Essay 1:
"Even eminent chartered accountants are known, in their capacity as fishermen, blissfully to ignore differences between seven and ten inches, half a pound and two pounds, three fish and a dozen fish." When I first came upon this quote in William Sherwood Fox's Silken Lines and Silver Hooks I chuckled a bit, thinking back upon all of the fish that had suddenly grown and multiplied in my mind- as if by some sort of uncontrollable magic. Even the most honest, genuine, intelligent man is susceptible to this magical force at times, whether he is conscious of it or not. In business, such actions could land a man in federal prison or cause him to lose his job, though. Great fishermen like Teddy Roosevelt and Jonny Morris, founder of Bass Pro Shops, found ways to bridge the gap between the two mindsets and succeed in society, while others, like Kenneth Lay, CEO of Enron, fell victim to the ways of the fisherman.
I am one of the most avid fishermen and hunters in the world; whenever I can find time in my busy schedule to get out on the water to fish or hunt ducks, I am out there. This passion led me to my work with Dr. Watanabe, research professor and coordinator of the aquaculture program at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. At the facility, I have been able to take part in all aspects of the aquaculture field, from creating the organic fish feed to strip spawning the fish to harvesting and selling them. It has truly been an amazing experience that has taught me as much about business as the science behind aquacultures. Working with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron Business School at UNCW and Dr. Watanabe, I was able to observe how market prices were set for the fish raised in the aquaculture systems and how business transactions were settled with commercial seafood venders. Coming into the experience, I had only been interested in the scientific aspects of aquaculture and how they could be used to mitigate the environmental problems associated with commercial fishing, such as habitat destruction and dwindling fish stocks. However, after my work at UNCW, I now hope to pursue a degree in business from the Wharton School of Business, so I can build my own bridge between my fisherman mentality and the mind of a proper businessman. The science is there when it comes to aquacultures, the US just needs a strong leader in the large-scale commercial aspects of the field to make aquacultures a success in the US, as they are in countries like China. I could go on and on about all the benefits of a degree from Wharton, but all I really want is to learn from the top professors in the world on taking my passion and applying it to a commercial scale industry.
Essay 2:
Growing up on the North Carolina coast, I have spent countless hours out on the water, working my way in and out of the backwater creeks around my house, in search of whatever the area has to offer. Through this love of fishing, I have developed a close relationship with the environment that affords me the great pleasure. From the time I entered middle school, I had aspirations of becoming a marine biologist, a field where I could put my passion for fishing to good use.
This year, I have had the opportunity to work with Dr. Watanabe at the UNCW aquaculture facility, helping to raise fish and conduct research with his graduate students. This has been one of the most eye-opening, worthwhile experiences of my life, because it has made me realize that even science involves as much business as it does scientific research. After harvesting my first batch of black sea bass, I was able to meet with Dr. Dumas of the Cameron School of Business at UNCW to research the current fish market and set prices for the fish we had raised. Numbers and statistics had always caused my eyes to glaze over in class, but once I could apply them to the market and science, my eyes started to race up and down the multitude of spreadsheets, searching for key patterns or deviations from the norm. It was at that point in time that I realized I could do more good by taking my background in marine science and applying it to business, than I could as a marine biologist.
At the University of Pennsylvania, I hope to attend the Wharton School of Business to further expand my knowledge on the business world. The Wharton School allows for unparalleled flexibility in my schedule, allowing me to take classes in every school at Penn. Where else would I have the opportunity to continue my studies in environmental science, while learning how to apply them to the commercial industry from some of the top business professors, and even students, in the world?
There are so many advances in the marine science field that remain untouched or insignificant in the global market, due to a lack of effective leadership in the commercial industry. For example, aquacultures have the potential to cut back on the US's annual seafood trade deficit of $10 billion annually, while helping to prevent commercial fishermen from decimating the wild fish stocks. Yet, aquacultures have yet to be taken to full commercial scale, despite the fact that the scientific research and background knowledge is all there. I want to take away from Penn and the Wharton School of Business the skillset to end this trend and help bring these advances to the commercial market, where both the economy and the environment will benefit.
