Here's the prompt: The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?
My essay:
"Taking advantages as a Communication Secretary of his Class, Bach organized a charity event for less fortunate children and called for support from friends and family members. He decided to donate all the profit of his event to our Organization" is an excerpt of the article published on "Understanding The Heart Organization" website, a charity fund for heart disease operations on poor children in Vietnam. After watching a commercial on their website showing hundreds of families were in need of money for operations on their kids, I came across of organizing the "Clearance Day" fundraising event, the spirit of all my community service works.
It was a summer Saturday morning of 2010, I laid out all the items included movies, books, and toys on the mat. As customers coming to my booth, I explained the purpose is not to make money for myself but to pay for part of a heart disease operation on a child. After seeing me talking to a foreigner in English about the event, a Vietnamese man gave me 20 dollars and said "For your effort to organize this spectacular event." After 12 hours convincing and selling, the profit came to $100. Even the profit did not help much, the event showed that customers' hearts are gold.
I have always wanted to spread the idea of charity and community service to many young Vietnamese; I decided to become the Volunteer Coordinator and Tutor for my Summer Senior Community Service at Anh Linh Love School, a school aimed at giving poor students education. On the last day of volunteering, the kids at Anh Linh gifted me a handmade bamboo bracelet with my name engraved on it. Suddenly, my mind sparked an idea of expanding my "Clearance Day" into a bigger event that involved Anh Linh School, the students, and the handmade accessories. I called it "The 2012 Annual Clearance Day Event" and that year profit reached a record amount of $300, which sent two Anh Linh students to college and funded their first year.
This year at Bishop Kelly, I was elected President of three different clubs: Key Club, Dead Economists Society, and Asia Club. I was in charge of Dead Economists Society fundraising events and gives microloans to small businesses in Ghana, Cambodia, and Honduras. Especially, I had a chance to meet a Vietnamese activist who is currently running an orphanage house in Vietnam and on behalf of Asia Club; I invited her to Bishop Kelly to share her stories to the whole student body in late April. Through these events, I hope to transform "Clearance Day" to a not-for-profit organization that gives microloans to poor families in Vietnam so their kids can afford college while the parents can work and make ends meet.
It's still missing the Conclusion but it's my first draft. Do you think I'm on topic and is it too many information? Does it sound like I'm showing off? Thanks a lot for your comments and I will help with your essays if you help mine. Thank you:)
My essay:
"Taking advantages as a Communication Secretary of his Class, Bach organized a charity event for less fortunate children and called for support from friends and family members. He decided to donate all the profit of his event to our Organization" is an excerpt of the article published on "Understanding The Heart Organization" website, a charity fund for heart disease operations on poor children in Vietnam. After watching a commercial on their website showing hundreds of families were in need of money for operations on their kids, I came across of organizing the "Clearance Day" fundraising event, the spirit of all my community service works.
It was a summer Saturday morning of 2010, I laid out all the items included movies, books, and toys on the mat. As customers coming to my booth, I explained the purpose is not to make money for myself but to pay for part of a heart disease operation on a child. After seeing me talking to a foreigner in English about the event, a Vietnamese man gave me 20 dollars and said "For your effort to organize this spectacular event." After 12 hours convincing and selling, the profit came to $100. Even the profit did not help much, the event showed that customers' hearts are gold.
I have always wanted to spread the idea of charity and community service to many young Vietnamese; I decided to become the Volunteer Coordinator and Tutor for my Summer Senior Community Service at Anh Linh Love School, a school aimed at giving poor students education. On the last day of volunteering, the kids at Anh Linh gifted me a handmade bamboo bracelet with my name engraved on it. Suddenly, my mind sparked an idea of expanding my "Clearance Day" into a bigger event that involved Anh Linh School, the students, and the handmade accessories. I called it "The 2012 Annual Clearance Day Event" and that year profit reached a record amount of $300, which sent two Anh Linh students to college and funded their first year.
This year at Bishop Kelly, I was elected President of three different clubs: Key Club, Dead Economists Society, and Asia Club. I was in charge of Dead Economists Society fundraising events and gives microloans to small businesses in Ghana, Cambodia, and Honduras. Especially, I had a chance to meet a Vietnamese activist who is currently running an orphanage house in Vietnam and on behalf of Asia Club; I invited her to Bishop Kelly to share her stories to the whole student body in late April. Through these events, I hope to transform "Clearance Day" to a not-for-profit organization that gives microloans to poor families in Vietnam so their kids can afford college while the parents can work and make ends meet.
It's still missing the Conclusion but it's my first draft. Do you think I'm on topic and is it too many information? Does it sound like I'm showing off? Thanks a lot for your comments and I will help with your essays if you help mine. Thank you:)