Hi there,
I was wondering if anyone can give me any feed back for this essay! I'm unsure of what proctors look for, so I wrote it how I would say it. My TAG for Davis has already been accepted, but I'm also applying to UCSC, UCSD, and UCB is my extra-reach school.
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I wish my parents, relatives, friends, and teachers had never told me that I'm smart. I held onto this singular personal quality tightly and let it define me throughout my academic career and believed it with everything that I had. It was nice knowing that I didn't have to try very hard to get instant gratification because I knew what to say, do, or think.
As I grew older, I began to only do things that I knew I'd be able to do well, or I wouldn't do it at all. Many years of community college were filled with numerous withdrawals because if I didn't do well right away, I would just stop going as if I never started in the first place. The immediate satisfaction I was so accustomed to wasn't there. I was scared of people talking about my shortcomings so much that I blinded myself to the real problem: not trying. I even lied to my mom about my schooling. "Good," I'd say when she asked me about school. The worthlessness I felt starting building inside me exponentially, so I wanted to at least help her out by getting a job. Even then, I only applied to retail jobs because I knew I could get hired. I had all this aptitude but didn't apply it anywhere because I was afraid of rejection and failure.
One semester, a professor informed the class of an opportunity available for computer science student. I went home that night and told my mom about it and how it was way out of my league. Normally, she would tell me to do whatever I wanted but not this time. This time she told me, "I never regret doing something, only NOT doing anything." Those words still resonate with me to this day. This was the first time she encouraged me to do anything. I worked up the courage to apply. I went through two interviews and ended up getting the job as a Game Design Instructor at a local summer camp. The first day, I walked into the conference room and students and graduates from UC Berkeley, Carnegie Mellon, USC, and other top tier schools were sitting in a circle getting ready to start training. The job was tough and seemed to last forever, but I worked hard to give these kids everything that I had, which is something I had never given myself until then. The fall semester after that job, I completed the first semester of my community college bout without any withdrawals and earned my way onto the Dean's List.
I don't yearn for the quick and dirty gratification any longer. I strive to take my time and work hard for my accomplishments, no matter how difficult and impossible they may seem. Intelligence isn't just the ability to acquire and retain knowledge; it is also the utilization of applying your understandings to the things you're passionate about.
I was wondering if anyone can give me any feed back for this essay! I'm unsure of what proctors look for, so I wrote it how I would say it. My TAG for Davis has already been accepted, but I'm also applying to UCSC, UCSD, and UCB is my extra-reach school.
Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I wish my parents, relatives, friends, and teachers had never told me that I'm smart. I held onto this singular personal quality tightly and let it define me throughout my academic career and believed it with everything that I had. It was nice knowing that I didn't have to try very hard to get instant gratification because I knew what to say, do, or think.
As I grew older, I began to only do things that I knew I'd be able to do well, or I wouldn't do it at all. Many years of community college were filled with numerous withdrawals because if I didn't do well right away, I would just stop going as if I never started in the first place. The immediate satisfaction I was so accustomed to wasn't there. I was scared of people talking about my shortcomings so much that I blinded myself to the real problem: not trying. I even lied to my mom about my schooling. "Good," I'd say when she asked me about school. The worthlessness I felt starting building inside me exponentially, so I wanted to at least help her out by getting a job. Even then, I only applied to retail jobs because I knew I could get hired. I had all this aptitude but didn't apply it anywhere because I was afraid of rejection and failure.
One semester, a professor informed the class of an opportunity available for computer science student. I went home that night and told my mom about it and how it was way out of my league. Normally, she would tell me to do whatever I wanted but not this time. This time she told me, "I never regret doing something, only NOT doing anything." Those words still resonate with me to this day. This was the first time she encouraged me to do anything. I worked up the courage to apply. I went through two interviews and ended up getting the job as a Game Design Instructor at a local summer camp. The first day, I walked into the conference room and students and graduates from UC Berkeley, Carnegie Mellon, USC, and other top tier schools were sitting in a circle getting ready to start training. The job was tough and seemed to last forever, but I worked hard to give these kids everything that I had, which is something I had never given myself until then. The fall semester after that job, I completed the first semester of my community college bout without any withdrawals and earned my way onto the Dean's List.
I don't yearn for the quick and dirty gratification any longer. I strive to take my time and work hard for my accomplishments, no matter how difficult and impossible they may seem. Intelligence isn't just the ability to acquire and retain knowledge; it is also the utilization of applying your understandings to the things you're passionate about.
