"got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer

This is just a draft of the short answer in the Yale supplement.

Why Yale? Because the first thing my eyes were glued to on yale.edu/, was "welcome to Yale". This only creates a welcoming and embracing atmosphere that got me magnetized to Yale.

In addition, Yale appealed to me through its dedication to it's international student website. The fact that the the site reflects more on the Coming to Yale section got me wishing I'm a Yalie already.

I can't find myself going in-depth through other colleges International student website as I did with that of Yale. In as much as Yale is an outstanding exemplar of a College that takes into absolute consideration, the happiness of it's students makes the best place for me.

I believe using some linking words may help u to modify your answer.

I think if you add your story behind the reason you mentioned above, it will make your answer to be more shining.

Rebecca,

Absolutely not! A website CANNOT be your main reason for why Yale. As you know Yale is a highly respected institution. You need to link the offerings of Yale with your academic pursuits. To say that you look at their website and feel an affinity will just cause your application to be quickly placed in the rejection pile. Also, you need to really check your grammar as there are many grammatical mistakes in your essay. We can help you with this - admissions essay advice

Hope this helps

Thanks Kevin .I'm going to check the website.
.Tanvi you need to create a new thread for your essay.

Thanks Kevin.I'm going to check the website.
What I'm trying to convey through the essay is that, it was only Yale's website that had a welcoming atmosphere all through while I was making a list of colleges to apply to, and that made me feel welcome.

By what you said, do you mean that this is not good enough?
Please leave reviews.
Thanks
Tanvi you need to create a new thread for your essay.

Rechy,

Yale wants to know that you are interested in their programs or some other tangible aspect of undergraduate life there. The only person at Yale that would love this essay would be the webmaster. You need to talk about other aspects of Yale that draws your attention and link those to reasons why it would be a perfect fit for you. -admissions essay advice

Okay, thanks.Can you please leave reviews on my other essays?

I would definitely try to relate why you want to go to Yale to the academic programs you want to pursue there, and the aspects of Yale's environment that you like. However, I think if you want to start out the essay about how the website drew you in, that may be nice! :) Good luck!

Thanks lindz. I will definitely do that.

kk...would do tht!!!

I dont think this is a good way to give your resume.. a website should not be the reason you want to enter yale. there must be something about the institution, education programme that you feel is best suited for you.

Thanks Claudia. I've a more developed reason of Why i want to attend Yale.

YOUR OPINIONS WILL SURELY BE VALUED.

I'm trying to get a head start with the answer to the Yale supplement.
While I was going through Yale's website, I came across a quote made by Marvin Chun, Professor of Psychology and Mater of Berkeley College.It is about him coming to Yale for the students.

I want to link the fact that if a Professor of Psychology(whom I probably will be attending his lectures being a prospective International student that will be majoring in Psychology), said such a thing as coming to Yale for the student then I want to come to Yale not only because of it's world-class education or it's comfortable residential college system but because I want to have a world- class education under such authorities like Marvin Chun among others, who has an undeniable passion of Lecturing his students.

In addition, at the beginning I'm thinking of writing about the welcoming atmosphere when i checked the Yale's website for the first time. With the starting phrase -----> Why Yale? Because the first thing my eyes were glued as a first time visitor to on yale.edu/, was "Welcome to Yale". This only creates a welcoming and embracing atmosphere that got me magnetized to Yale.

These are my answers to the questions on the Yale supplement.

Question: What would you do with a free afternoon tomorrow?
Answer: My family responsibilities has made it impossible for me to participate in community service and hang out with friends,a free afternoon tomorrow would be a

great time to do that and maybe go to the cinema with a friend.

Question: Recall a compliment you received that you especially value. What was it? From whom did it come?
Answer: You are more beautiful in person than in pictures of you. I received the compliment from my sister's friend.

Question: If you could witness one moment in history, what would it be and why?
Answer: I would love to witness the beginning of the fight for women's suffrage, because i'm a person who believes that women and men should be given equal rights.

Question: What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
Answer: I wish i'm better at being less candor.

Question: If you were choosing students to form a Yale class, what question would you ask here that we have not?
Answer: What are your first 5 favorite recordings?

Question: What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.

Answer: "I came to Yale for the students...I try to teach each student as somebody who is going to do something very meaningful and influential in life".

This reflects all I want in a college were I'm going to be spending 4 years, in order to pursue my career in Psychology.
Hence, if a Yale professor of Psychology uttered such quote, as coming to Yale for the students, then I want to come to Yale not only because of

its outstanding residential college system but because I want to be one of those students Professor Marvin Chun came to Yale for.
OR
Why Yale? "I came to Yale for the students...I try to teach each student as somebody who is going to do something very meaningful and influential in life".

This reflects all I want in a college were I'm going to be spending 4 years, in order to pursue my career in Psychology.
Hence, if a Yale professor of Psychology uttered such quote, as coming to Yale for the students, then I want to come to Yale because Yale has it all,

outstanding residential college system, world class education under such authorities and professors like Marvin Chun among others, who portray undeniable
passion of Lecturing his students.

PERSONAL STATEMENT.
you have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, Short Answer, and Personal Essay. In this required second essay, tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about. Please limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.

Answer:

Looking out from the window of my dad's car, all I can see are the unhappy faces of children deprived of their rights to a good home and education, pushed by their parents to beg for alms. Coming from a family of means, I do not know what it is like to live in destitution, being forced to beg for a living. But strangely, I felt a connection to them.

Throughout my childhood, my father was always the one responsible for making decisions relevant to my upbringing and I have always considered that to be standard parenting, not until recently when I made a career decision and he entirely turned it down. I could not imagine defying my father's orders, possibly jeopardizing my freedom and future. But after a while, I grew discontented with having every decision made for me. I felt the urge to act for myself, just as my mother had when she decided to plant her roots in a foreign country. Having heard of various stories, where kids are not given the freedom to make their own career choice, I never thought that I would be faced with the same dilemma; a dilemma in which I would have to choose between defying my father's wishes or jeopardizing my freedom and future.

Thinking back on the children I saw from my father's car, I understood what the connection I shared with them was. It was deprivation. This realization motivated my decision of pursuing my career choices of being a Psychologist, because I know that acquiescing with the career decision he made for me ultimately meant forfeiting happiness .Even if this ends up being abortive, that feeling that I stood up for what I thought right would always be a satisfaction. And with this mentality, I can now confidently make the decisions for myself that will best help me find happiness in whatever I do in life.

REVIEWS PLEASE!

Rechy, your last essay did not sound anything like your previous essays or answers. If I were an admissions director, I would suspect that you'd gone to another source to help write this essay. It was very well written and structured & this hinted to me (based on reading your other responses) that it was not entirely your own. If I were you, I would try to be consistent with your writing style and voice--either edit the heck out of the other essays to make them as nice as the last one, or figure out a way to make the last essay more your own. Good luck!

The last thing i would ever do is go to a source to help write my essay.
The last essay was written by me, I didn't go to any source. I wouldn't do that.
You can check my other threads, it is the answer I wrote for the Amherst prompt and the contributors helped me with the reviews that helped in making it a better essay

So i thought I could also use it for the Yale supplement.
Please leave reviews on how to make the other responses better.

REVIEWS PLEASE!

Could anyone pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee leave feedbacks.

Looking out from the window of my dad's car, all I could see were the unhappy faces of children deprived of their rights to a good home and education, pushed by their parents to beg for alms.

Throughout my childhood, my father was always the one responsible for making decisions relevant to my upbringing. and I have always considered that to be standard parenting, not until recently when I made a career decision and he entirely turned it down.

Having heard of various stories, where kids are not given the freedom to make their own career choices , I never thought that I would be faced ...

This realization motivated my decision topursue my career choice of becoming a Psychologist, because I know that acquiescing with the career decision he made for me ultimately meant forfeiting happiness.

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Thanks Susan. I was beginning to think that my thread is invincible until you left reviews.
Your reviews are highly appreciated by me.
What about the other answers to the questions on the Yale supplement, no revision?

I made the corrections you pointed out.

Looking out the window of my dad's car, all I could see were the unhappy faces of children deprived of their rights to a good home and education, pushed by their parents to beg for alms. Coming from a family of means, I do not know what it is like to live in destitution, being forced to beg for a living. But strangely, I felt a connection to them.

Throughout my childhood, my father was always the one responsible for making decisions relevant to my upbringing. I have always considered that to be standard parenting, until recently when I made a career decision and he entirely turned it down.

I could not imagine defying my father's orders, possibly jeopardizing my freedom and future. But after a while, I grew discontented with having every decision made for me. I felt the urge to act for myself, just as my mother had when she decided to plant her roots in a foreign country.

Having heard various stories, where kids are not given the freedom to make their own career choices, I never thought that I would be faced with the same dilemma; a dilemma in which I would have to choose between defying my father's wishes or jeopardizing my freedom and future.

Thinking back on the children I saw from my father's car, I understood what the connection I shared with them was. It was deprivation. This realization motivated my decision to pursue my career choice of becoming a Psychologist, because I know that acquiescing with the career decision he made for me ultimately meant forfeiting happiness.

Even if this ends up being abortive, that feeling that I stood up for what I thought right would always be a satisfaction. And with this mentality, I can now confidently make the decisions for myself that will best help me find happiness in whatever I do in life.

Thanks so much Susan. You just made my day a better one.
(Question: Recall a compliment you received that you especially value. What was it? From whom did it come?
Answer: You are more beautiful in person than in pictures of you. I received the compliment from my sister's friend.---What a wonderful compliment!)Yes, it surely is. I was so astonished when she complimented me with such a heartfelt description.

Question: What would you do with a free afternoon tomorrow?
Answer: My family responsibilities have made it impossible for me to participate in community service and hang out with friends, so a free afternoon tomorrow would be a great time to do that and maybe go to the cinema with a friend.----> the answer exceeds the 175 characters limit.

Would a revision such as ''A free afternoon tomorrow would be a great time to participate in community service and hang out with friends.'' still convey a good response?

Question: What do you wish you were better at being or doing?
Answer: I wish I could be better at being less candor.---I'm pretty sure this means you would like to be less honest. You should not say that!----> I've being thinking about that.

What about, I wish I could be better at acting. Because I've always loved the thought of being a prolific actress.

I'm thinking of using Professor Marvin Chun as the topic. What is your opinion on that?

Professor Marvin Chun said, "I came to Yale for the students...I try to teach each student as somebody who is going to do something very meaningful and influential in life".

This reflects all I want in a college were I'm going to be spending 4 years, in order to pursue my career in Psychology.
Hence, if a Yale professor of Psychology uttered such quote, as coming to Yale for the students, then I want to come to Yale because Yale has it all,

outstanding residential college system, world class education under such authorities and professors like Marvin Chun among others, who portray undeniable
passion of Lecturing (his) students. Should that be his or their.

Would you mind sparing some minutes to check my other essay on extra-curricular activities.

Once again thanks, my appreciation cannot be expressed in words.

Professor Marvin Chun said, "I came to Yale for the students...I try to teach each student as somebody who is going to do something very meaningful and influential in life".

This reflects all I want in a college were I'm going to be spending 4 years, in order to pursue my career in Psychology.
Hence, if a Yale professor of Psychology uttered such quote, as coming to Yale for the students, then I want to come to Yale because Yale has it all,

outstanding residential college system, world class education under such authorities and professors like Marvin Chun among others, who portray undeniable
passion of Lecturing (his) students. Should that be his or their. <------ This exceeds the character limits by 134 characters.

Professor Marvin Chun said,'I came to Yale for the students...I try to teach each student as somebody who is going to do something very meaningful and influential in life'. This reflects all I want in a college, were I will be pursuing my career in Psychology.

Hence, if a Yale professor of Psychology uttered such quote, as coming to Yale for the students, I want to come to Yale because Yale has it all, world class professors like Marvin Chun, who have great passion of lecturing their students. <--------- This is the revised one I made to meet the character limit. Those it still convey the same thing?

Guess I have to go back to the old habit of saying "Could anyone please leave reviews, i really need to round up my essays".

thanks for checking out my essay.

I think its good, but i feel you can tell a lot in those two sentences if you make them stronger.
Otherwise, its good

Thanks Sohaib. Could you please leave critiques on my other essay.
That would really make my day.
Thanks.

Seriously, seriously awful. I'm sorry. No one else will be "candor" with you, so here it is. NOTHING you have written speaks to your academic or intellectual abilities in ANY way, shape, or form. The "essay" and most of the answers you provided for the questions are glib and trite and have nothing to do with anything. Your essay leaves the reader confused and, worst of all, absolutely does not make the admissions committee say, "wow, we really need someone like Rebecca at Yale." Unless you can really reshape that essay into a polished gem that proves how you have what NO other applicant does, your whole application will be tossed in the circular file. You should never rely on some sob story as a clever tactic to woo the adcoms.

"got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer

read above ...

uchicago "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it."

Kate47: It's painfully obvious you used a dictionary and/or thesaurus to pepper what you thought was a really imaginative statement with all kinds of "smart-people" vocabulary words. Rather than making you seem like a really skilled writer, it's overkill and leaves the entire thing almost meaningless--not to mention the ridiculous overuse of analogy and metaphor. Some of the big words you used don't actually exist. It's hysterical that a moderator didn't already point that out.

"Cosiness" - Why Yale

"Cosiness. The state of warm confort between the students, the professors and the roommates is the most important factor for me. I feel that being an international student at Yale I will not be thousands of kilometers far from home, but I will actually find a second home. The fame of Yale is not only for being one of the best universities in the world, but also for providing the best learning and housing environment for its students and employees."

Kate47: You didn't even TELL us anything from this. Every school has roommates and professors. And the part about Yale being the best? Anyone can read that on their website. Yale knows they're the "best." You need to seriously rethink your answer. Going to Yale because you think it's "cosy" is ludicrous.

I do not understand why every kid thinks they're being so novel when they basically restate what the universities' write on their own webpages.

'My grandparents' - Persons who has influenced me--national merit scholarship essay

"I do have half of their DNA, after all"

Kate47: Cheesy. Delete.

Thanks everyone. Your contributions are highly appreciated.