Hello,
this is my essay for common app
im not so confident with this essay so i would really appreciate any suggestions!
i need some help with grammar, transition,,,,,also i dont know if the essay answers the question suffieciently...
please feel free to make constructive criticisms
thanks in advance for reading my essay:)
When I stopped seeing her with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who has taught me how to navigate my world and helped me to grow as an individual. She is a kind of person who has the strength of mountains, a kind of mother who has endless love and a kind of friend who has been unwavering throughout my life. Due to her extraordinary guidance, I came to understand the significance of perseverance and compassion. She has instilled in me the great importance of rising above and self-sacrifice. Nevertheless, I am the product of my mother.
My mother has taught me perseverance through how she lives her life. I watched her meet life's challenges head on and prevail. For half of my life, my mother did not have someone else to share the burden of raising me and my brother. My father passed away from angina pectoris when I was ten. Thus, the responsibility normally shared by two parents, she carried alone.
Since my father's death, life has not allowed my mother to rest. Within months of my father's death, my mother decided to leave Korea for United States, sacrificing her life and comfort of home to seek greater education and social opportunities for her children. Life in a foreign country has not always been full of delight and opportunity. There existed a wall of economic hardship, language barrier, and acculturation. My mother has been working at a dry-cleaner ever since. Watching her wash other people's dirty clothes, as a kid, I was embarrassed and upset. However, as I grew older I realized that it is all for us. She sacrificed her social life by working long hours to support me and my brother- for us to lead sufficient lives. From that moment on, I promised myself that I would become successful and make my mother proud of me.
My mother has never given up on anything- she has pushed aside her sorrow and grief in order to raise her children. She has been a fighter, a person of endurance. And unknowingly, I have been passed down this trait, which has shaped me into a fine student and a respectable friend. I have had multiples of bad days but I gave my best especially on those days. The courage and determination my mother demonstrated during her adversities became my mentor.
Amidst of difficult odds, I knew I could always go to my mother for comfort, advice, and support. When it came to her children, she tirelessly devoted time and energy. Even at the height of my adolescent rebelliousness, she was able to enlighten me with insight into life. I specifically remember one argument where I sobbed and exploded. I told her I resent my life and blamed her for all the dilemmas in my life. As this fight turned into an intense weeping spell, my mother softly spoke to me that I have to take responsibility for my life. She did not yell, only encouraged me to see the world with positive light. She told me that external factors play a part on things that occur in my life, but in the end it is me who determines how I am going to react to them. I realized that I cannot control external measures but I can always control my responses to them.
My mother's enthusiasm for helping others has made a great impact on my life. The unconditional compassion she possesses, brought joy and education into lives of two children in Ethiopia. My mother is not affluent but she would share her last penny with others and she has by sponsoring unprivileged kids through the World Vision. Letters, gifts and money were sent to the kids in hopes of ameliorating their lives. Although she never had a chance to meet them, my mother thought of them as her children and gave love and hope on every possible chance. Thus, I learned to always remember those who are less fortunate than me. Providentially, my life has been changed by what my mother has shown me. For past two years, I visited Vanderbilt Nursing Home during the Christmas time. My friends and I sang carols and spent time with the elderly. One year, a man shed tears thanking us for visiting them. He said not many people receive visits during the year and seeing us was the highlight of his year. As the man spoke, I could not stop my tears from falling and I thanked my mother for her kindness which has driven me to this wonderful place. This experience has exposed me to the humanistic rewards which are priceless.
After all these years, I finally see what an amazing influence my mother has been on my life. In the ugliest of places, she has shown me beauty. In desperate situations, she has shown me perseverance. She replaced fear with calm, resentment with understanding and anger with love. She is the lens that magnified my individuality and nevertheless, I am the product of my mother.
this is my essay for common app
im not so confident with this essay so i would really appreciate any suggestions!
i need some help with grammar, transition,,,,,also i dont know if the essay answers the question suffieciently...
please feel free to make constructive criticisms
thanks in advance for reading my essay:)
When I stopped seeing her with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who has taught me how to navigate my world and helped me to grow as an individual. She is a kind of person who has the strength of mountains, a kind of mother who has endless love and a kind of friend who has been unwavering throughout my life. Due to her extraordinary guidance, I came to understand the significance of perseverance and compassion. She has instilled in me the great importance of rising above and self-sacrifice. Nevertheless, I am the product of my mother.
My mother has taught me perseverance through how she lives her life. I watched her meet life's challenges head on and prevail. For half of my life, my mother did not have someone else to share the burden of raising me and my brother. My father passed away from angina pectoris when I was ten. Thus, the responsibility normally shared by two parents, she carried alone.
Since my father's death, life has not allowed my mother to rest. Within months of my father's death, my mother decided to leave Korea for United States, sacrificing her life and comfort of home to seek greater education and social opportunities for her children. Life in a foreign country has not always been full of delight and opportunity. There existed a wall of economic hardship, language barrier, and acculturation. My mother has been working at a dry-cleaner ever since. Watching her wash other people's dirty clothes, as a kid, I was embarrassed and upset. However, as I grew older I realized that it is all for us. She sacrificed her social life by working long hours to support me and my brother- for us to lead sufficient lives. From that moment on, I promised myself that I would become successful and make my mother proud of me.
My mother has never given up on anything- she has pushed aside her sorrow and grief in order to raise her children. She has been a fighter, a person of endurance. And unknowingly, I have been passed down this trait, which has shaped me into a fine student and a respectable friend. I have had multiples of bad days but I gave my best especially on those days. The courage and determination my mother demonstrated during her adversities became my mentor.
Amidst of difficult odds, I knew I could always go to my mother for comfort, advice, and support. When it came to her children, she tirelessly devoted time and energy. Even at the height of my adolescent rebelliousness, she was able to enlighten me with insight into life. I specifically remember one argument where I sobbed and exploded. I told her I resent my life and blamed her for all the dilemmas in my life. As this fight turned into an intense weeping spell, my mother softly spoke to me that I have to take responsibility for my life. She did not yell, only encouraged me to see the world with positive light. She told me that external factors play a part on things that occur in my life, but in the end it is me who determines how I am going to react to them. I realized that I cannot control external measures but I can always control my responses to them.
My mother's enthusiasm for helping others has made a great impact on my life. The unconditional compassion she possesses, brought joy and education into lives of two children in Ethiopia. My mother is not affluent but she would share her last penny with others and she has by sponsoring unprivileged kids through the World Vision. Letters, gifts and money were sent to the kids in hopes of ameliorating their lives. Although she never had a chance to meet them, my mother thought of them as her children and gave love and hope on every possible chance. Thus, I learned to always remember those who are less fortunate than me. Providentially, my life has been changed by what my mother has shown me. For past two years, I visited Vanderbilt Nursing Home during the Christmas time. My friends and I sang carols and spent time with the elderly. One year, a man shed tears thanking us for visiting them. He said not many people receive visits during the year and seeing us was the highlight of his year. As the man spoke, I could not stop my tears from falling and I thanked my mother for her kindness which has driven me to this wonderful place. This experience has exposed me to the humanistic rewards which are priceless.
After all these years, I finally see what an amazing influence my mother has been on my life. In the ugliest of places, she has shown me beauty. In desperate situations, she has shown me perseverance. She replaced fear with calm, resentment with understanding and anger with love. She is the lens that magnified my individuality and nevertheless, I am the product of my mother.
