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Women and Volunteer Essay UIC


Essay19 1 / -  
Oct 9, 2019   #1

what made me the person I am today?



As a kid I have always been taught to be a quiet and obedient girl. Whenever people would tell me stay quiet in a discussion, I felt like my voice was gone. Every Time I was told to never play with my best guy friend, I felt like my freedom was snactehed from me.As a high school student I would go to classes, or have a meeting with board members from the club I'm in and I always felt silenced. During one instance, I had a project with two guys in my group, and they would never listen to my ideas. They acted as if they were too smart for me. During a board member meeting I was always tasked the easy tasks, or even clean up tasks never a fulfilling productive task. All these instances made me feel like I am a girl who should follow the social norms.Even Though my highschool offered me opportunities such as teaching kids about science or having my own club all made me strong but my own peers were letting me down. My own peers made me feel like I'm a girl who should follow the social norms. But that is not who I am! I am a person who is a strong, independent, and understanding human being. One way I would contribute to the UIC honors college is by joining the Women's Leadership and Resource Center. At the UIC honors college this would be a perfect baby step to show the community that women who are any race or ethnicity is able to be a leader and accomplish what they desire. In this organization I would like to be a part of is "Shake It Up! Critiquing Gender-Based Violence Prevention from Women of Color Perspectives ``.I would like to show my struggle as women of color and ways that I have overcome barriers that lead me to be the person that I am.

Another way that made me the person I am today is by kids and peers that I tutor. Kids that I have taught showed me be happy for the person I am today. Also, tutoring gives me a sense of accomplishment of helping something. One day a certain sophomore girl came up to me in the middle of junior year and said you are a great tutor, you help me understand the material by making fun and easy way to understand it. This girl not only made my day but also made me realize that I am helping my community. This is what I want to continue doing. At UIC Honors College, I would also contribute in being an Honors College Tutor to help people understand the material they're struggling in a fun and easy way.

As I help the university by showing awareness of women and tutoring, I hope that the university helps me show make me even stronger and fearless women that will make me prosper a women in STEM.

Maria [Contributor] - / 811 310  
Oct 11, 2019   #2
@Essay19
Welcome here. I hope you're doing good. Let me give you feedback on this writing first and foremost.

From the get-go, the imbalanced structuring appears to be off-putting already. The bulkiness of the first paragraph has to be balanced out with something else that'll also be substantive. If you are unable to do this, then it would be better to stick with shorter paragraphs. Move onward from there.

What I primarily suggest is that, once you started talking about your contributions to the UIC Honors College, you could have separated it already from everything else.

The second paragraph right now is a bit bland. At least, the beginning appeared to be quite so. I suggest that you try to phrase it in a more enthusiastic light (think about happy writing).


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