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I have always wondered why my sister was so hypocritical; UGA/ About yourself



alexjan95 1 / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
(200 Word Limit)
Please give helpful feedback and ideas..

Ever since I was a child. I have always wondered why my sister has always been the one to tell on me. Just watching her sinister smirk whenever I got in trouble always made me wonder and ask questions in my head. Why? Just why does she do this to me and why am I the one that is always taking the blame? Even when it comes to food, I frown when I see there are two bacon strips left. Until I have been in high school, I have never understood why I have never viewed her as a different person. Remembering flashbacks of the times I have gotten in trouble has made me notice a lot. The times my sister has told on me was not for me to despise her but, it was so I could learn my past mistakes. The numerous times she told my parents about my grades were not for her to enjoy but, it was for me to be more responsible and cautious about my school years. There is only a small amount of time left before my sister and I depart our own ways.

ragslatep94 - / 1  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
Ever since I was a child I have always wondered why my sister was so hypocritical. I have always wondered why my sister has always been the one to tell on me. Just watching her sinister smirk whenever I got in trouble always made me wonder, "Why?". JustW hy does she do this to me and why am I the one that is always taking the blame? Even when it comes to food, I frown when I see there are two bacon strips left (What are going for here? It seems like it going off on a tangent.. Until I have been in high school, I have never understood why I have never viewed her as a different person. Remembering flashbacks of the times I have gotten in trouble has made me notice a lotnever use "a lot" . Add a transition here, maybe "I realized" The times my sister has told on me was not for me to despise her but, it was so I could learn my past mistakes. The numerous times she told my parents about my grades were not out of spite but it was for me to be more responsible and cautious about my school years. There is only a small amount of time left before my sister and I depart on our own ways.

My take on this was that you have a sister you tells on you and you didn't like it at first, but then you realized that her tattling could be used to better yourself (or something along the line of that). My comment is that the prompt asks you to tell a story (singular), and focus in on that. I feel you should focus more on a singular experience and yourself (more than your sister).
norman2013 1 / 9  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
ending sentence is a little weak.. also, you repeat "I have always wondered why my sister" in the first two sentences and it's a little redundant.


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