"my work ethics" - Babson Undergraduate Admission-150 word or less essay

My work ethic was getting stronger compared to the others who have been working longer than I have, the shouts of "Superwoman!" at the end of aisle five near the stacked boxes of "Ajvar" and Turkish coffee was something I normally listened to all day at work. It was Euro Market where I spent eight hours of my summer vacation working. It was a candy shop to some but a place of delicacy to many. I enjoyed my time working hard and meeting new people. I came to realize that time at work was nothing different from time spent at school. Equally it consisted of sweat and tears both at its best dispense. Now no longer the girl stacking boxes I work behind a desk helping New York City patients at New York University Medical Center. Sitting behind the desk, I imagine myself one day become a strong life-size realistic figure like superwoman, both beautiful and passionate about getting things done right when hit with life's most challenging obstacles.

It was a candy shop to some, but a place of delicacy to many

time at work was nothingno different fromthan time

Equally itIt equally consisted of sweat and tears, both at itstheir best dispense

Now no longer the girl stacking boxes, I work behind a desk helping New York City patients at New York University Medical Center.

I imagine myself one day becomeing a strong

other than that, great short essay. ^_^ REview mine?

essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/essay-someo ne-made-impact-life-due-today-15020/

thank you =)

You have a run on sentence here:
My work ethic was getting stronger than that of compared to the others who had been working longer than I had ; my co-workers shouted "Superwoman!" at the end of aisle five near the stacked boxes of "Ajvar" and Turkish coffee; this was something I normally listened to all day at work.

There, I fixed it for you! :-)

Now no longer the girl stacking boxes, I work behind a desk helping New York City patients at New York University Medical Center.