work habits and time management - Common Application Extra Curricular

Any suggestions,critiques and comments are welcome! ^_^. If theres anything I should add or take away, please let me know. Thank you!! =D

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

I was relieved as the rat was rewarded another pellet for going into the goal region. My research project was to determine the relationship landmarks had on the goal-choice location made by rats. I participated in a research laboratory at SUNY Downstate, working with Dr. Kubie. I thought that working with rats and conducting trials would be fairly easy - little did I know I got more than I bargained for. I had to discuss research ideas with my mentor many times, endure the hostility of the rats, and deal with setbacks. I spent most of my free time reading through textbooks, interpreting data, handling rats, and teaching others proper lab techniques. In the end, not only was I delighted to take part in this project, most importantly I learned how to organize my work habits and time management - something I could use for the rest of my life.

I took out the opening sentence, because, although it captures a scene from your experience, it does not really fit with the rest of the piece. Try this:

I participated in a research laboratory at SUNY Downstate, and my project involved determining the relationship landmarks had on the goal-choice location made by rats. I thought that working with rats and conducting trials would be fairly easy - little did I know I got more than I bargained for. I had to discuss research ideas with my mentor many times, endure the hostility of the rats, and deal with setbacks. I spent most of my free time reading through textbooks, interpreting data, handling rats, and teaching others proper lab techniques. In the end, not only was I delighted to take part in this project, most importantly I learned how to organize my work habits and time management - something I could use for the rest of my life.

Perhaps you should add a sentence that mentions the school/program for which you are applying. Good luck!!