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working with children; Florida State U/leadership, learning, service &global awareness



npatel1997 1 / 1  
Sep 15, 2013   #1
I am currently applying to Florida State University.
I need some help with the essay.
Thank You!

the promt:
Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you, and why?

Throughout my years in high school, I have devoted an extensive amount of time acquiring community service hours. Starting in the summer before freshmen year, I decided to sign myself up for as many service projects as I could. However, I soon realized that signing myself up for service projects that I would have no interest in would not benefit me. I knew that if I narrow my choices down to projects that I'm concerned about, I would be on the right track.

As I researched certain service projects, I noticed that my interest was in working with children. While I was conducting my research I remember clicking on a link to a "Super Why" camp for kids in the summer. This camp was for children in first through fifth grades, to help prepare them for the next school year. The program was for students who receive a suitable education in their previous year. I was assigned to the first graders and I fell in love with this camp. It was a great way to interact with the students, while giving back to the community. After the camp ended, an organization called "Reading Pals" offered me a volunteer position as a mentor for a child. It was for students in first and second grade. A number of mentors came to an assigned school in my area and were given one student. We read and answered questions about a series of books for 25 weeks. At the end of this program, the parents saw an improvement in their child's report card, as well as their own intellectual abilities. It made me feel very proud to know that I helped contribute to this. I also spent some time during the summer by volunteering at the local public library. The most important thing I learned from this experience was to be courteous and gracious to the individuals who came in to browse around.

I wanted to go beyond just helping kids, but also to try and help out in projects for people who have diseases and medical problems. I volunteered in Relay for Life and other events like that. I wanted to raise money to help find cures and research the disease more. One that is very special to me is the "Forget-Me-Not-Alzheimer's Walk", that is held every year in October. The volunteers walked around the lake with other individuals from the community in an effort to raise money for Alzheimer's research. These walks mean a great deal to me because I'm doing something that will help another person and can possibly even save a person's life.

Out of the four characteristics that an individual can have, leadership, learning, service, and global awareness, service is the one that applies to me the most. At the end of my junior year, I completed 120 hours of community service and found that I had helped make a positive impact in the community.

Th25cc 2 / 90  
Sep 15, 2013   #2
I'd say the one thing you're missing would be a topic sentence that explains why you value service the most. You just jump right into a story.
OP npatel1997 1 / 1  
Sep 16, 2013   #3
Ok thank you so much!!
Very helpful!


Home / Undergraduate / working with children; Florida State U/leadership, learning, service &global awareness
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