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working with children - UF ESSAY; situation which ignited something inside of me



virginia 1 / 1  
Aug 9, 2009   #1
I would appreciate to hear what anyone thinks about this, or any changes that should be made.

I first started working with children about a year ago when I took my first job at the local YMCA. I would have rather worked at a restaurant or retail store, but I was not going to turn down any job offer. Most students were having tough times finding a place even hiring. So here I was, a sixteen year old with no siblings and no babysitting experience, walking into a job requiring me to care for infants to five year olds. Though I was overwhelmed, after the first week I realized I loved my job, and I love children.

After working for a good amount of time with the children at the YMCA I decided I would branch out and attempt to work with children in another venue. I was soon given the opportunity to volunteer at an elementary school, assisting special education third graders with their classroom work. One day, a boy named Miguel and I were studying spelling words for an upcoming quiz. Miguel was homeless, with ratty clothes and had no coat to bear the biting Virginian winter weather. As we reviewed he impressed me with his quick memory, but he had little confidence in his spelling abilities. Soon, I gave him the actual quiz, which was only to consist of five of the ten words on his spelling list. After spelling the first five words flawlessly, I asked Miguel if he would like to attempt to spell the sixth and seventh words on his spelling list, even though he had not studied them. At first he refused, but I reassured him the words would not count against his score if he spelled them incorrectly. He finally agreed, and to his surprise he spelled both words without fault.

Though this situation seems rather insignificant or small when put into perspective, it ignited something inside of him and me. Miguel went on to receive a perfect score on his history Virginia Standards of Learning test, and nearly perfect on his English Standards of Learning test. He is still labeled as special education because of his struggles reading, but continues to astonish teachers with his memory. As for myself, Miguel has driven inside of me something that most people do not have; appreciation, and that is exactly what I believe will carry with me to the University of Florida. I will never bind to acts like plagiarism or cheating, because I know an education from UF is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will join and share my personal experiences with the community service organizations UF sponsors because I want to continue to help those like Miguel. Finally, I will embrace and cherish every moment I spend with the Gator community, because I know so many people will never be lucky enough to do so.

EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Aug 9, 2009   #2
I encourage you to focus on the story about Miguel, without the rambling introduction. The prompt asks for a concise narrative. You go on and on about why you took a job that wasn't even the job at which you had the experience around which the essay is centered.

I will never bind to acts like plagiarism or cheating, because I know an education from UF is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

The reference to plagiarism is kind of out of the blue; also I have no idea what you mean by "bind to." How can somebody bind to plagiarism?
OP virginia 1 / 1  
Aug 9, 2009   #3
I have already edited the part about plagiarism out, and I plan on heeding the advice about the opening paragraph. I am just worried about the narrative being too short.
tal105 7 / 128  
Aug 9, 2009   #4
i think its a very well written and good essay.

a few points:
i feel you should, in the last paragraph, talk a little more about yourself.

yea i thouhgt i had more to write, but after rereading, and reading simones, comment, i dont! lol.
its a really good story :)


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