PROMPT ONE: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
One glance at my neighborhood is all it takes to reach the conclusion that where I come from is an affluent community of successful people. Looking around, I see million dollar homes with sleek sports cars parked in the driveways (and probably in the garages too), beautiful tree-lined roads, majestic mountains towering in the distance, and serene valleys spread out below. Yorba Linda is probably one of the best places to grow up; it is a peaceful little city ranked one of the best, safest, and richest cities in the United States. Never in my life did I worry about getting assaulted on the streets of Yorba Linda; I never worried about not having a dinner to eat; and I was never concerned about whether or not I had enough clothing to stay warm during winter or if I had a place to lay my head. The list goes on, but in a nutshell I have the good life and everything is handed to me on a silver platter.
It's obvious that denizens of Yorba Linda worked extremely hard to be able to live here, but as hard as other people worked to get here, my mother worked doubly hard. My mother emigrated from Taiwan, with nothing but a college education, in search of a better life. When she finally made enough money to buy a house in Yorba Linda, hardship fell upon her in the form of a heart wrenching divorce. She was faced with the daunting task of raising two young children alone, and instead of finding a cheaper place to live she decided to work harder than ever so that my sister and I could live the best life possible. Growing up with everything I ever needed or wanted made me believe that the way I lived was the norm; consequently I took all my blessings for granted. As I grew older I began to lose my naivety and the harsh realities besieged me; I finally began to appreciate everything my mother did for me, and all the little things I have been blessed with. Since I have such a good life I always try to make life easier and better for those around me. Helping others and giving back to the community is one of my passions, so it is not surprising to discover that my dream involves exactly that.
There are many jobs that "help others and give back to the community" but I know exactly which occupation I dream of having. My aspirations to be a nurse stem from an experience where I was the one lying in the hospital bed, getting shots, and waiting around to be healthy again. I felt horrible that week, my spirit was down, my health was mediocre, and I thought that I would never be able to go home again. Thankfully, my nurse was there to help me through my tough times and make me feel better. Of course my doctor also helped, but it was my nurse who was constantly checking my temperature, changing IV bags, and making sure I was feeling fine; by the time I could go home, I had a deeper connection with my nurse. By becoming a nurse I, too, can help others feel better, support them through tough times, and do for others what my nurse did for me.
Thus, I believe that my world, and the people in it, shaped my dreams and future plans. Since I have so many blessings in my life, I desire to give as much as I possibly can to others. Also, by following my mother's example, I learned that only by working hard would one achieve one's dreams.
*this is my first draft and it's still rough. any suggestions??
thanks!*
Don't worry about our first draft being rough. It is always for many people.
As I grew older I began to lose my naivety and the harsh realities besieged me
It's a bit lazy to express your realization with just these words. At least come up with a story. Any volunteering or specific experiences that make you appreciate your affluence?
Besides the part where you focused too much on your mom, the essay is pretty decent. I don't really like the last sentence. How can you end off with a sentence that starts with... "Also,..." It gives me the impression that "Wait I still want to say some more" and yet you are ending here.
