'working the sales floor' - an experience at work- Common App Short Answer

Hey guys, I was looking for feedback on my short answer for the common app. The objective was to describe an experience from where I work. Grammar, and content feedback are both welcome. Thank you!

As I was working the sales floor one day, an older gentleman entered the store. After greeting him, I soon learned he had pain in his feet. Knowing I could help him, I lead the man to our shoes. I was able to help him pick a pair of shoes that were wide enough for his feet, and had ample cushioning. Once he made his mind up on what shoes he wanted, I suggested that he try our extra-cushioned insoles. The gentleman was taken back by how much this improved how his feet felt. I then rang him up at the registered, and wished him a good day.

As a sales associate I take pride in helping others. There is no better feeling than when a customer leaves the store satisfied. Through my experiences at work I have learned how to identify with people. I have also learned that I enjoy helping people.

As I was working the sales floor one day, an older gentleman entered the store. After greeting him, the man confessed to me that heI soon learned he had been experiencing pain in his feet. Knowing I could help him, I lead the man to ourthe shoe department . I was able to help him pick a pair of shoes that were wide enough for his feet, and had ample cushioning. Once he made his mind up on what shoes he wanted, I suggested that he try our extra-cushioned insoles. The gentleman was taken a back by how much the shoes I gave him improved how his feet felt. I then rang him up at the registered , and wished him a good day.

As a sales associate I take pride in helping others. There is no better feeling than when a customer leaves the store satisfied. Through my experiences at work I have learned how to identify with people. I have also learned that I enjoy helping people. (This part is kind of cliche, like "The customers always right!" kind of thing...Try to focus more on how you felt while helping him. Maybe say how the man's face lit up once he tried on the perfect pair of shoes. Also, don't say that you enjoy helping people, SHOW IT. You can show it by saying something like, "I'm happy he found what he was looking for." or "It was a simple task to find the man shoes, but they definitely made his day better." Sentences like this show that you actually care about how the man felt afterwards.