Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

How world event shaped you - Human Genome Project - Vtech


grillojes 6 / 17  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
~no more than 250 words

This essay needs a lot of work. Please help!!! Thanks in advance.

The discovery of the human genome, in association with the death of my grandfather, has been the most influential world event in my life. My grandfather died of prostate cancer when I was ten. I was too young to really understand what cancer was or to know that it could be inherited genetically which left me full of questions pertaining to how or why it had even occurred.

My questions would slowly be addressed as I took biology for the first time in seventh grade, mainly as we covered diseases and genetics. Then, when we touched on the Human Genome Project, which had been completed two year prior, I realized how groundbreaking the discovery of our genome was. It was a fascinating subject and it was easy to recognize how important it would be to gain a further understanding on genetic diagnostics - among billions of other important components. By identifying our genome we could get to the root of genetic diseases such as the one which took my grandfather away. Since then I resolved that I would dedicate my education to genetics and biology. I plan to unearth the answers as to how genetic diseases come to be and how to cure them.

I dream of a day in the not-so-distant future in which, much like I had to with Gregor Mendel and Okazaki fragments, students in some classroom somewhere will be committing my name and the discovery associated with it to memory.
EVEH 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
I dream of a day in the not-so-distant future in which, much like I had to with Gregor Mendel and Okazaki fragments, students in some classroom somewhere will be committing my name and the discovery associated with it to memory.

This sentence is confusing, maybe rewrite it in shorter ones, such as:
I dream of a day in which students in a classroom somewhere, will be committing my name and my discoveries, much like I did with Gregor Mendel.
OP grillojes 6 / 17  
Dec 9, 2010   #3
This is my second draft. It still needs some work though. Any suggestions??

Thanks in advance.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 15, 2010   #4
Awesome, this one is a winner.

Use a comma:
It was a fascinating subject, and it was easy to recognize how important it would be to gain...

efficiency:
I plan to unearth the answers as to how to questions about genetic diseases come to be and how to cure them.

I dream of a day in the not-so-distant future in which, much like I had to with Gregor Mendel and Okazaki fragments, students in some classroom somewhere will be committing to memory my name and the discovery associated with it. to memory.


Home / Undergraduate / How world event shaped you - Human Genome Project - Vtech