Hi guys this is my personal statement. I have never written one before so I didn't know what to write. So please give me all the feedback you can so I can change it and make it better. Thanks in advance!
Here is the prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
My Essay:
When I was younger I lived in a world with no crime or suffering. Life was perfect. No stress, no hatred., nothing but love and happiness. Back then, I guess you can say I was in a world of innocence. Where death was unheard of. I lived in a "perfect world."
Hi my name is Britney Prince. I was born in San Diego, California. Growing up, the one person who had the biggest influence on me was my Auntie Ann. She was my world. She spoiled me and at the same time she was someone I always knew I could turn to. At least until December 29, 2006, a day I will never forget. It was the day my Auntie died of lung cancer. She meant everything to me she was always there when I needed her and I felt she would always be there for me. But when she passed away, I thought my whole world was falling apart. I felt discouraged but then I remembered that when my aunt was living, she made me promise that I would go to school and be successful and I always keep my promises. Till this day my aunt is the reason why I never give up. I shine like a star in everything I do and I just hope and pray she is looking down on me smiling proudly of all my accomplishments. Although I'm still devastated about her death, even though it has almost been four years, I will continue to keep my promise to her. I'm hoping to go to a college where I can learn and have fun at the same time. And like I always say, "Auntie Ann, this is for you." Remembering what she expected of me is why I will go to great lengths to fulfill my promise and make her proud.
I am determined to make good grades and become a successful registered nurse (R.N.) . I have decided to go in the nursing field, because I want to follow in the footsteps my aunt would have taken if she had the opportunity. She loved helping people. Even the people she didn't know. She saw life as an opportunity to help the ones that need it whether it be medically, financially or emotionally. But she always talked about being a nurse, but she never found the time to go to school. Watching how fast her life went by before she could do all the things she wanted has inspired me to accomplish her goal of being a registered nurse. I see life like she used to. That is why I will go in a field that will help others, so I can see the smile on their faces after I help them. My journey through life is about to begin and I will make sure to help people along the way.
Here is the prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
My Essay:
When I was younger I lived in a world with no crime or suffering. Life was perfect. No stress, no hatred., nothing but love and happiness. Back then, I guess you can say I was in a world of innocence. Where death was unheard of. I lived in a "perfect world."
Hi my name is Britney Prince. I was born in San Diego, California. Growing up, the one person who had the biggest influence on me was my Auntie Ann. She was my world. She spoiled me and at the same time she was someone I always knew I could turn to. At least until December 29, 2006, a day I will never forget. It was the day my Auntie died of lung cancer. She meant everything to me she was always there when I needed her and I felt she would always be there for me. But when she passed away, I thought my whole world was falling apart. I felt discouraged but then I remembered that when my aunt was living, she made me promise that I would go to school and be successful and I always keep my promises. Till this day my aunt is the reason why I never give up. I shine like a star in everything I do and I just hope and pray she is looking down on me smiling proudly of all my accomplishments. Although I'm still devastated about her death, even though it has almost been four years, I will continue to keep my promise to her. I'm hoping to go to a college where I can learn and have fun at the same time. And like I always say, "Auntie Ann, this is for you." Remembering what she expected of me is why I will go to great lengths to fulfill my promise and make her proud.
I am determined to make good grades and become a successful registered nurse (R.N.) . I have decided to go in the nursing field, because I want to follow in the footsteps my aunt would have taken if she had the opportunity. She loved helping people. Even the people she didn't know. She saw life as an opportunity to help the ones that need it whether it be medically, financially or emotionally. But she always talked about being a nurse, but she never found the time to go to school. Watching how fast her life went by before she could do all the things she wanted has inspired me to accomplish her goal of being a registered nurse. I see life like she used to. That is why I will go in a field that will help others, so I can see the smile on their faces after I help them. My journey through life is about to begin and I will make sure to help people along the way.