Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 9

"To the World" Why Stanford? Supplement


blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Oct 18, 2010   #1
Hi there. I would love some feedback for this supplement. The prompt is simply Why Stanford? The character count is 1800 but currently mine is at 2700 (I know. This always happens.) Some things that I want to shorten are the first paragraph as well as the third one if not get rid of it entirely and then merge its ideas somewhere else. I tried to talk about how the Stanford education would help me in my quest in that third paragraph but for sake of space I don't think I can.

What I really want to know is do I answer the prompt passionately enough? I don't want mine to be the stereotypical "I love fountain hopping" that I've seen so many times. Thanks so much and I will definitely read yours. Post da link.

I've grown up in a community and school located one hour away from a major city and fifteen minutes from the beach. It is middle to upper class and here the sun shines over 300 days a year. For outsiders, my little town seems like the perfect place to settle and it is. I want out though. Though my community provided every physical comfort imaginable, it hasn't given me the variance and assortment of perspectives that I yearn to explore. Everyone who lives here tends to grow up with nearly identical views on popular topics. Overall, the community leans more towards the left but not too much. Sure, it's fine and dandy and all but after 17 years I'm not satisfied yet. I need more. And so, that's why I find it funny that I want to go to a place whose physical traits almost perfectly mirrors my hometown.

I don't want to grow up viewing the world only through the liberal lens that my little hometown has created. I want to widen my scope, see everything through the prosaic of perspectives that I know exist. I want. Stanford. What attract me so much to Stanford are the opportunities that the school offers me in my pursuit of a worldly perspective. With Stanford boasting one of the highest diversity rates among colleges, I have no doubt that I will find people to argue and sympathize with, people whose opinions on current and controversial topics will differ from mine but at the same time be grounded in perfect reasoning. I know I will take part in the Haas Center for Public Service, where I will be offered local and international opportunities to experience firsthand not just the national and global problems that exist but also the dispositions of those intertwined with those troubles. From Stanford, I will also travel to San Francisco, an amalgam of cultures and lifestyles and undoubtedly a perfect place for me to explore.

At the same time that Stanford breeds a cosmopolitan outlook in me, the school's academic programs will teach me a broader academic perspective. Stanford's top nationally ranked departments will challenge with courses like "The Marriage Plot" and "Vector Space Optimization." I will gain new knowledge and also critically revaluate previous beliefs and assumptions. Foundations on campus like the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies and the Freeman Spogli Institute for International Studies will then provide me with the ultimate opportunities to utilize my newfound perspectives and learning.

Though one could assume that Stanford would be just an exact continuation of my current life because of parallels in surroundings, I know much better than that. For me, Stanford represents expansion: a place where I can fully develop, limited only by the occasional unexpected rainy day.
kristina - / 2  
Oct 18, 2010   #2
Your essay is really great and nicely written!

What attract me so much to Stanford are the opportunities that the school offers me in my pursuit of a worldly perspective.

What attracts me so ...
vladic007 9 / 22  
Oct 18, 2010   #3
I've grown up in a community and school located one hour away from a major city and fifteen minutes from the beach.

I want out though. Though my community...

Overall, the community leans more towards the left but not too much.

Rephrase these parts, because they just don't sound right.

And so, that's why I find the idea funny, that I want to go to a place whose physical traits almost perfectly mirrors my hometown.

What attracts me so much to Stanford are the opportunities that the school offers me in my pursuit of a worldly perspective.

where I will be offered local and international opportunities to experience firsthand not just the national and global problems that exist , but also the dispositions of those intertwined with those troubles.

an amalgam of cultures and lifestyles and undoubtedly a perfect place for me to explore

To explore what? Expand more on this thought.

Stanford's top nationally ranked departments will challenge with courses like "The Marriage Plot" and "Vector Space Optimization." I will gain new knowledge and also critically revaluate previous beliefs and assumptions. Foundations on campus like the Center for Entrepreneurial Studies and the Freeman Spogli Institute for International Studies will then provide me with the ultimate opportunities to utilize my newfound perspectives and learning.

Try not to mention everything you like in Stanford and explain this attraction in a sentence. Try to be more specific about something, and write about it in more details.

Though one could assume that Stanford would be just an exact continuation of my current life because of parallels in surroundings

You are assuming in this phrase that you are already ,lets say, in the university. Instead of this try to explain how will the university change you, in a better way of course.

Hope this helped. You should work on your use of english. Good luck in your applications.
OP blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Oct 19, 2010   #4
Thanks for all the comments. Here's the new one which I seriously shrunk down. I'm still about 80 characters over though so any way to shorten would be much appreciated. Does my message stand uniquely enough? ...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 21, 2010   #5
I grew up in a middle to upper class neighborhood where the sun shines over 300 days a year.

I think this could be written in a more intriguing or clever way.

I like this: Though my little town is the ideal place to settle, I want out.

Okay, so for this and your other essay I don't want to suggest any changes to the writing, because it seems inspired... but I want to tell you that it would be great if your career plans had some more mention. As though you are so focused on actualizing your plan that you cannot help but mention it when talking about this.

So... how about changing a sentence here and there so that it reflects your plan. Like this:
By the end of my Stanford career, I hope to accumulate multiple perspectives on the field of ________.
OP blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Oct 21, 2010   #6
Alright I get that. The only problem is that I'm Undecided. I'm leaning into the business/engineering area so I'm sure that I can change a sentence or two to reflect that.
Jnae1986 1 / 3  
Oct 22, 2010   #7
"A middle to upper class neighborhood, people there are friendly and surrounded with sun shines over 300 days a year- that is my place to grow up"

I would like to put the first sentence like this.
colorcode 4 / 11  
Oct 22, 2010   #8
I think that you should shorten the description about your current town. Where exactly are you from?
OP blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Oct 25, 2010   #9
SoCal. Opposite direction of Stanford but pretty much the same weather.

I made revisions and here it is. A lovely 1799 characters. I hope it stays the same when I put it in. Any comments would

In my neighborhood, the sun shines for over 300 days a year and mansions dot the looming seaside cliffs. Though my little town is the ideal place to settle, I want out. Everyone who lives here grows up with nearly identical views, slightly to the left but not too much, on popular topics. Sure, it's fine and dandy and all but after 17 years I'm not satisfied. I need more. More ideas, more comments, more theories, and many more opinions. I yearn for a variance and assortment of perspectives that home can't provide.

I don't want to grow up viewing the world just with the liberal lens of my hometown because I can only learn so much from it. I want to widen my scope, see everything through the prosaic of perspectives that I know exist. I want Stanford. Stanford offers me limitless opportunities in my pursuit of a worldly perspective. With Stanford boasting one of the highest diversity rates, I will undoubtedly find people from all ranges of culture and background to argue and sympathize with, people whose opinions will differ from mine but at the same time be grounded in perfect reasoning. I know I will take part in the Haas Center for Public Service, where I will be offered local and international opportunities to experience firsthand not just the national and global problems but also the dispositions of those intertwined with those troubles.

By the end of my Stanford career, I hope to have soaked up all the perspectives that I so dearly want. I will use them in my future field of business to make smarter and more conscientious decisions. More importantly though, with them, I will revaluate and refine my beliefs to create my own opinions, not follow preset ones. For me, Stanford represents expansion: a frontier to the world and a place for my mind to fully develop.


Home / Undergraduate / "To the World" Why Stanford? Supplement