Prompt:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Essay:
Prior to my sophomore year I had never been on a wrestling team before, and had never seen a regulatory match. Because of this inexperience, my only knowledge of the sport came from what I had seen on television, and from what I had learned when playing with my friends and family. However, this inexperience began to fade when my friends, who had been on my high school's wrestling team in previous years, began trying to convince me to join our school's team. After countless weeks of hearing about how my friends were anticipating the start of the new season and how much I would enjoy it, I was convinced that I wanted to join. A few weeks went by and before I knew it, I was in my school's gym on the first day of practice. The practice had seemed like nothing more than a regular workout at first. The coach was welcoming new wrestlers and teaching the basic wrestling techniques. About a week or two into the season the practices became increasingly difficult as the sessions of rigorous training and conditioning started. At first it all seemed un-bearable, that no matter how hard we pushed, our coach was constantly watching over us yelling "run harder, and don't give up," as we sprinted full speed across the mats. I can remember multiple instances where I found myself standing, hunched over, with my hands resting on my knees and my lungs heaving for air so that I could try to catch my breath. Another memory I have of wrestling is that when all of the vigorous training was taking place I was thinking to myself, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and that if I keep pushing myself, it'll be over soon. My first match, which came soon in the season, greatly tested me both physically and mentally. My opponent had been wrestling since middle-school and had a far greater amount of skill. After the loss, I felt upset and embarrassed. I felt as if I had let my opponent beat me due to my lack of skill and experience. I did the only thing I could do to prevent myself from getting beaten again at my next match and that was to work even harder at practice. The more I pushed myself to excel, no matter how hard, the easier practice became and the better I was doing at meets and tournaments. At the time, I hadn't thought about how much I had adapted to the hard training that my team was doing and how I had become a better wrestler because of it. As I reflected on what was happening, I realized that the practices were not becoming easier because our coach was letting up on us. I also realized that I was not doing better in matches because the opponents were getting worse. The reason, for my improvement was due to the fact that I had conditioned myself so that every time that I felt like I could not go any further and every I lost, I realized I needed to be better next time. I pushed my body to train harder and become stronger and more dedicated. The two years I spent on my high school's wrestling team were important in shaping the person that I am today. Those two years showed me that through dedication and hard work even the toughest of challenges in life can be accomplished. To improve my performance, not only in sports, as an athlete, but in academics I must always strive to work harder towards a goal when a situation gets tough. My participation in my high school's wrestling team has given me the perseverance and dedication to do anything I set my mind to.
This essay shows and describes rather than just telling, and that's really good.
"As I reflected on what was happening, I realized that the practices were not becoming easier because our coach was letting up on us. I also realized that I was not doing better in matches because the opponents were getting worse. The reason, for my improvement was due to the fact that I had conditioned myself so that every time that I felt like I could not go any further and every I lost, I realized I needed to be better next time. I pushed my body to train harder and become stronger and more dedicated."
This part, the beginning, was a bit confusing. It also seemed a little repetitive because you said that in the sentences before too. I really like how you do a lot of "showing" though, and that makes it an overall strong essay.
