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Yale supplement essay ("Razia Auntie's house")


angel101 1 / 16  
Dec 23, 2008   #1
You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, the Short Answer, and the Personal Essay. While we leave the topic of your second essay entirely up to you, try telling us something about yourself that you believe we cannot learn elsewhere in your application. Please limit yourself to fewer than 500 words.

On a hot and dreary Monday, I came home from school ready to go to Razia Auntie's house when my mother told me Auntie was sick and was in the hospital. Worried by my sudden reaction to the news, my mom told me to pray to God for Auntie's good health because God always listened to little children. God and I would have constant arguments and I would always ask Him why He had to make my favorite Auntie sick; I would always win. Every night I would pray to God, and He was the one who saw my tears, my anguish and my loneliness. Maybe God felt bad for making someone as kind as my aunt sick because the next morning my Dad woke me up to talk to my aunt. Apprehension and fear surged through my veins as I picked up the phone, what was I supposed to say to my Auntie when I knew that she was in deep pain. But when I heard my Auntie's soothing voice, apprehension and despair suddenly left me.

"Sweetie, remember, I am always with you and whenever you need me, all you need to do is close your eyes and think of me. Remember to be strong and be the true to your values. I have to go now-but don't ever forget to be strong and always have a smile on your face."

Those were the last words she ever said to me, I never got to see her again but I knew that her spirit would live in my heart for eternity. What I did not know was that Auntie had lupus, a multi-systemic auto-immune disease of the connective tissue. I can still see her laughing, telling me what is wrong and what is right. She taught me that I didn't have to be afraid of anyone and that being me was the best thing I could do. Her guidance truly affected me during September 11th because I felt that it was my responsibility to explain to others that my faith, Islam, is a faith of reason, not hatred and terrorism. It was my aunt's guidance that constantly reminded me that I had to be strong and that I had to stand up for my beliefs. When she was dying from lupus she constantly struggled to live and never lost hope. Even at times of difficulties she managed to console me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Through her optimism and her struggle, I now understand the nothing is impossible to a willing heart. The last words Auntie said to me still affect my very being. My love for her is immortal, and the memories that we made together can never fade or be taken away from me. If I could tell my Auntie one thing it would be, "If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again."

Thank you so much for your help, any suggestions and criticism are welcome :) thanks once again!
bhangra369 8 / 11  
Dec 23, 2008   #2
"Last words...me. I never...again, but I knew..."

"What I did not know was that Auntie had lupus.." This sentence can be removed.

The last sentence of the essay can also be removed.

Good luck:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 24, 2008   #3
I can still see her laughing, telling me what is wrong and what is right. She taught me that I didn't have to be afraid of anyone and that being myself was the best thing I could be.

Through her optimism and her struggle, I now understand that nothing is impossible to a willing heart.

I think the essay is great and very moving. I'm sorry you lost your Auntie, and I'm sure she's very proud of you.

Good luck!

:)

Kevin
OP angel101 1 / 16  
Dec 24, 2008   #4
thank you so much for your help! :)


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