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"My 8 year old brother's existence" - someone who has made an impact on your life



daisyangela 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2010   #1
Can someone help me edit this for context, grammer, spelling, thanks

You should never underestimate the impact you make on another person's life. Of all the people that have come and gone in my lifetime there is one person who has motivated me and actually changed my perspective on life and how I should view every obstacle I have to endure. Life lessons from a person who isn't even tall enough to ride a rollercoaster yet, my little brother. My 8 year old brother's existence has changed my life in so many positive ways because I have someone to inspire, someone to be a role model for. Growing up I was the oldest of 3 kids of a single mother who also happened to have her hands full by owning a restaurant. Due to my mother's excruciating job, I was given a lot of responsibility to help with my siblings. My brother especially because he was the youngest, I wanted him to understand things the correct way and for him I wanted him to expand his knowledge as far as he could and learn to be a good person. The pressure for me to have good behavior and actual aspirations to succeed in the future was at a new intensity. I've always been a great academic student, and my little brother just gave me more motivation to maintain that standard throughout my school years. He also gave me inspiration to try to be a good person always, because I did not want to disappoint a person that considered me a great role model.

A few years later when I was 17 years old, my mother decided to remarry and relocate to Houston, I moved with my dad in order to remain at my Magnet High School, I decided that would be the best for my future, although I would be separated from my mom, and unfortunately my brother. Those were the toughest few months for me but I wanted to come out of that situation with a positive outcome because I wanted to show how my strength could help me overcome any obstacle. So in the future, when my brother had problems, or was stuck in a difficult situation I could tell him that I overcame that situation, that strength could help overcome anything. It's actually such a positive impact, I'm happy to have such great grades and behavior it gives me inspiration to go past my own expectations and be a significant person of wisdom to a person of such importance in my life, such as my little brother.

zqueenb 1 / 4  
Dec 1, 2010   #2
You [me? ]should never underestimate the impact you make on another person's life.

this sentence is a bit wordy. maybe break it down or remove some words.
Of all the people that have come and gone in my lifetime there is one person who has motivated me and actually changed my perspective on life and how I should view every obstacle I have to endure.

Life lessons from a person who isn'twas not even tall enough to ride a rollercoaster yet , my little brother. My 8 eight year old brother's existence has changed my life in so many positive ways because I have someone to inspire, someone to be a role model for.[uh? this is confusing]

Growing up I was the oldest of 3three [ spell out numbers] kids of a single mother who also happened to have her hands full, owning a restaurant.

is the name of your school called magnet high school? if not it should no be capitalized.
Good essay overall just needs to flow better.


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