Analysis of a questionnaire on kids activities - IELTS writing task 1 sample: Pie Graph

Hi everyone! Please give me some advice and feedback about this essay. I made this to practice for the IELTS exam. This is a sample of writing task 1.

Task Description: The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Write a report describing the information shown in the two pie graphs. Write at least 150 words. (The graphs are found at the end of my essay)

Here's my answer:
The two pie charts provided illustrates an analysis of a questionnaire. They show the activities that girls and boys participate in, in percentage times. Overall, it can be seen that equal quantities of both sexes enjoyed listening to music, but a dramatically larger number of girls liked reading, and there were many differences in terms of their preferred sports

A similar proportion of boys and girls enjoy gymnastics and skateboarding respectively (11%). In addition, 15% of girls enjoy Netball while approximately the same percentage of boys enjoy soccer (17%).

In terms of reading, roughly ten times more girls said that they enjoy reading rather than boy (21% and 2%). Approximately twice more boys enjoy computer games than girls (34% and 16%). Roughly a quarter of boys prefer basketball (26%) and listening to music is the smallest but the same proportion (1

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The two pie charts compare the participation of Australian children of both gender in percentage terms.


This could form a separate overview paragraph.
Overall, the majority of activities girls are involved in are different from those of boys, with the exception of reading and listening to music. Likewise, while dancing is the most popular activity among girls, computer games account for the highest proportion of boys' participation.

Your essay has only 140 words, less than the required total number of words. Also, you should reorganize your ideas by stating the most significant features of the charts first and going into details afterwards.

I think that I did it, but I have a little confusing to give the detail
Firstly, I compare something that has the same proportion or approximately equal in two pie charts. After that, I compare something that has the same field together.

Can you write down a sample for giving the detail to me ?

I think you should start your detailed paragraphs with the highest or lowest figures as they are the most remarkable features and may catch our attention first. Then you could continue with other smaller features.

Well you have it to some extent, but you have an issue with presenting each different section. For example, your introduction and overview are both together;


You need to separate Introduction, Overview and Body paragraphs (where you discuss trends in detail).... The detailed paragraphs can be constructed as you like but they need to follow some kind of obvious logic. In this case, I suggest you to have one para to discuss trends in boys activities and the other to girls and the third one to compare. I hope Pahan or Eddies would do some samples for you.... If not I'll try to help you when I get some more free time :D