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Academic writing Ielts: Effects of globalization


hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Jul 13, 2011   #1
Ielts Topic: Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a positive way, its negative side shouldn't be forgotten. Discuss.
Please help me with my first post:

There has appeared endless controversy over globalization. Governments of many countries are trying to figure out the major effects of this phenomenon to adapt to a changing world. The purpose of my writing is to critically analyse the typical impacts of globalization on our world.

Globalization has a massive impact on the global economy. Nowadays, commercial trading between countries all around the world has become easier than ever before. Two countries can become solid partners of one another, regardless of their geographic distances or cultural differences. Customers benefit from this progress because high-quality goods and services that appear in a country will be almost immediately promoted in others. Hence, it is easy to see a Vietnamese student using a new Iphone which has been just released into the market by Apple.

Cultural exchange is also one of the most striking impacts of globalization on our lives. As I have mentioned above, the relationships between countries are being strengthened tighter and tighter, which results in a deeper exchange in culture between different communities. Consequently, for instance, there are big Chines communities in various contries, which helps show the world an insight of the country's beautiful traditions and customs.

However, everything has it bad side and globalization is no exception. Developing countries are likely to suffer the most disadvantages of the changes of the world, including competition in commodity market with big nations, pressure on natural resources, environmental problems, especially working conditions for the native workers in foreign company's factories based on their countries. There is a bitter fact that more and more young workers are paid low wages to work in a very bad working environment. in factories invested by multinational coporations of big economies.

In conclusion, from my perspective, in spite of some detrimental effects on developing countries, globalization are changing the world as a whole in a positive way. I strongly recommend that governments of countries all around the world should carefully consider my anlysis on globalizaiton to make appropriate policies in this new era.

Geenesh 21 / 29  
Jul 14, 2011   #2
However, everything has ITS bad side and globalization is OF no exception

...globalization IS changing the world as a whole in a positive way

I strongly recommend that THE governments of countries all around the world should carefully consider my anlysis on globalizaiton to make appropriate policies in this new era

- I THINK ITS COOL.. GOOD LUCK !
kevman 1 / 10  
Jul 14, 2011   #3
"Consequently, for instance,"

Take one of them out. I would take both out I feel those phrases are overused.

I think you could really trim this baby down. From the last paragraph: "In conclusion, from my perspective...". This sounds kind of weird to me.

Also in the last paragraph where is says you think all countries in the world should consider your analysis on globalization? Do you really? Try being honest and using examples. Stop using cliche formulas in your writing and keep things simple.

Just my opinion! Good luck :)
OP hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Jul 14, 2011   #4
what about the tructure of my writing, ways to introduce and to conclude ?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jul 15, 2011   #5
Endless controversy has erupted over globalization.

The purpose of my writing is to critically analyse the typical impacts of globalization on our world. (Okay, right after this sentence, add one more sentence before ending the first paragraph. Add a sentence that expresses the main idea of the essay. What is your main argument?)

If you add that special sentence to the end of the first paragraph, it will improve the structure.

Globalization has a massive impact on the global economy. ---Change this sentence so that it points out a negative effect on the economy.

Cultural exchange is also one of the most striking impacts of globalization on our lives.--Change this so that it points out a negative effect on culture.

In conclusion, from my perspective, in spite of some detrimental effects on developing countries, globalization are is changing the world as a whole in a positive way, because ____________________ (Give the reason. Then, you can use this sentence at the end of the first paragraph.)

:-)


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