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Writing Task 1 - IELTS Academic - Post-school qualification in Australia according to gender 1999


bocahnakal 1 / -  
Sep 13, 2014   #1
As the picture shows, it describes the difference of education level between men and women in Australia in the year 1999. Overall, men were positioned as the first rank and the well-educated people in that year. The data was calibrated in percentage.

A glance at men's bars, the most notable bar was skilled vocational diploma. It peaked just over 90%. The following level of educations were postgraduate diploma and master's degree at 70% and 60% respectively. Both bachelor's degree and undergraduate diploma were not over 50%.

On the other hand, the highest education that women encountered was undergraduate diploma. In fact, this level was the same percentage as men's postgraduate. Moreover, bachelor's degree, as the second highest level, was over than men, at around 53%. The next education was master's degree at 40%. Both postgraduate and skilled vocational were not over 35%, where the lowest level positioned at 10%.

In conclusion, men were well-educated people in that year than women based on that charts.




fikri 5 / 317 71  
Sep 15, 2014   #2
the well-educated people in that year

I found this in the first paragraph,

well-educated people in that year

but, I found the same phrase in the last paragraph as well,
in IELTS, don't use the same phrase more than once because it may decline your score
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Sep 16, 2014   #3
As the picture shows, it describes the difference of educationeducational levels between men and women in Australia in the year 1999. Overall,It is noticeable that men were positioned as the first rank the largest proportion of the well-educated people in that yearthe period . The data was calibrated in percentage.

If I were you, I prefer writing an overview paragraph instead of conclusion paragraph. Writing task 1 needs an overview paragraph as per writing band descriptor. Then, it is placed between introductory and conclusion paragraph.


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