IELTS Task II : Accepting Change Vs Resisting Change

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can cause this? What solution you suggest? Give the reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

answer

It is an astonishment that people keep in circling comfort zone, whether world changing force most of inhabitants to take a challenge. Unconsciously most of them are inward the bottom of Marlow hierarchy needs.

The schematic of Maslow's hierarchy needs, depicted with shape of pyramid, divides needs of human become five layer including; physiological, safety, belonging, esteem, and self actualization, those are chronological. What is more, comfortable feel in a stage yield unenthusiastic circumstancing live for them. Thus, people who have been worried about "stomach" tend to pursue salary, while the type, position, career path, and job satisfaction become unnecessary. Nevertheless, workers who have changing embryo rise their behavior in order to challenge him/herself. This type of workers usually finds job which dealt with their passion because of self actualization purpose. For example, Walt Disney has been decided becoming a cartoonist while banker is looked a luxurious job for society.

The possible solution should be reflected personally but probably developing from parenting style become proper. Parents have to invested curiosity and also passionate desire for their children. For example, Parent initiates children to take a part in many competitions which suitable with their aptitude probably, modeling, sports, arts, or science. Moreover, it can be stimulate child's sense of changing.

In the nutshell, I believe that change is the essence of humankind, while it should be began from the childhood.

... this sentence does not deliver any meaningful idea to the reader :( What astonish people? I don't find anything you get to be astonished about this :(

thank for the correction dumi
for that phrase what i want to mention is
I have been surprised that people still monotonous with their routine without any changing
probably
astonishment as noun, should be change with the adjective form astonished

Hey... these are all irrelevant to your topic. Your examiner would be annoyed to read these stuff because he wouldn't be interested in learning management lessons. Stay with your topic, mate! Do not go out of topic. Forget about all big big words. Think clear and know what you are writing. Here in this body para, you need to write what kinds of problems this issue may cause. So, think about a few issues and tell them to the reader. Don't complicate your reader with irrelevant and advanced stuff :D

hy, pahan
thank you for the advices. in the body I would to mention this.


I add maslow hierarchy as reference of "stage"
by the way this is very useful


i will try to deliver my writing more easier to reader.